The Trans-Alaska Pipeline, built between 1974-77 and only because of the 1973 oil crisis.

PRUDHOE BAY, ALASKA

It’s the spring of 1969. I’m on the North Slope of Alaska, doing research for a BP sponsored documentary. Outside it’s -10°F – that’s -23C. Brrrr… but inside it’s warm and cozy. Tonight I’m with a scientist from Schlumberger, one of the many contractors on the site. He’s trying to explain to me how oilfields are discovered.

It’s all gobbledygook, way over my head. Writing this, 40 years later, I can’t remember the details: was it a big room, small room, was he tall, or short, was it during the day or at night? I forget.

What I do remember is this: suddenly his instruments go crazy. “Hey, did you see that!” “There’s a wiggle.” “That’s not a wiggle – that’s an oil field!” He races to the phone. “Bill, we’ve got one. Looks massive!” Phone down, he’s back, staring at the graph; now singing a little song, “We found an oil well, we’ve found an oil well…”

I’m gob smacked, this is real, the birth of an oil well; the look on his face and the childish song, say it all.

TWO MONTHS EARLIER
January ’69. I have just arrived in London. I bring with me my commercial reel and a couple of Australian documentaries that I’ve shot and edited. I’m told my commercial reel stinks (or words to that effect) – however my two docs. are much admired.

In the late ‘60s, UK corporate films are shot with crews of ten or more, often in 35mm. I turn up with my own Éclair 16mm camera and my young lady sound recordist with a couple of radio mikes and a Nagra III recorder. That’s it – just the two of us, Tricia and me… un-heard of.

I have a screening at the Producers’ Guild. Not really a guild but a collection of one man production companies, all sharing the preview theater and secretarial services. The boss man Geoff Busby wants me to move in too. I can’t see myself in a suit-‘n-tie office and politely decline.

Geoff arranges another screening of my Edge of the Outback film for Humphey Swingler of Greenpark Productions and Roly Stafford, head of films at BP. When the lights come up, both are ecstatic.

“Terrific! Makes our ‘Cattle Carters’ look phony, yours is so much better. You’ve got to to shoot our next production – it’s about the Alaskan pipeline . You’ll need to go to Alaska every few months once construction starts. It’s men only up there. No women allowed. Can you do the sound as well?”

In the ‘50s, Roly used to be Humphrey’s cameraman. I can see they still work well together. Over the next few days, I’m in the Guild’s screening room, watching the Cattle Carters, The Algerian Pipeline, North Slope Alaska. Ho hum… they are straight, dead serious, 35mm color, shot on a tripod with grandiose narration and composed mood music; yuk, not my kinda of filmmaking!

I’m an on-the-shoulder, get-in-close, take-one shooter. They must know that from watching Edge of the Outback – real people, real sound, no mood music.

AK-69
Anchorage is still showing the signs of the disastrous earthquake. Humphrey, Roly and I are staying at the best hotel in town and receiving numerous visitors. I’m introduced as the greatest thing since Jean-Luc Godard. There are meetings everyday. At night we go to BP parties.

I meet Joe Rychetnik. I’m told he’s a Time-Life photographer. I later discover he’s an American Mountie, a bush cop, a pilot and a killer-diller hunter. He wants to get in with BP and thinks I’m the key. Could be useful, I’ll need help.

Joe invites me to his place the next night. “Do you like moose?” “You bet, my favorite.” I’m thinking Chocolate Moose dessert. Joe takes me into a hallway where there is a huge deep freeze. Opens the lid. Inside, an intact frozen moose; minus antlers and legs. Gulp. Welcome to Alaska.

After a week in Anchorage, Roly and Humphrey fly back to London. I’m on my own. The local BP man wants me to see the sights, get to know Alaska. I see the plans for the pipeline, models and maps. At night, I go to a noisy anti-pipeline meeting. The next day, I’m in a chartered plane flying around Mt. McKinley. I spend time in Fairbanks. Go to the university there. Meet caribou and polar bear experts.

NORTH TO ALASKA – AND THEN SOME

Eventually, I’m flown to Prudhoe Bay. We land on ice. Everything is white. I’m shown my room. Given my out-of-doors Eskimo parka. Told never to go out alone. If I’m in a car, stay inside or keep close to a colleague. White-outs happen all the time. It’s cold, very quiet and a little scary.

Just as they told me, it’s all men – 2,000 of them, living in centrally heated luxury in the middle of nowhere. Movies are running day and night. Food and ice cream in abundance. The oilmen are all from Texas. They work 12 hour shifts, seven days a week, then fly home to their cattle ranches. Wow! This is going to be a great movie.

BP HEADQUARTER’S BUILDING – LONDON
A month later, I’ve written a treatment. It goes something like this:

This is the story of five real people: a scientist looking for oil, an oilrig worker who has a ranch in Texas, a naturalist who is studying the caribou, a pipeline designer/engineer and a builder on the pipeline…

Roly looks up from reading my treatment.

“Tell me it’s not true. He sings, ‘we’ve found an oil well, we’ve found an oil well…’ you want to make a BP film with a scientist singing a silly song.”

“It is true Roly, it really happened! It was a wonderful moment. I can do it. I’ll make it happen again. I want to make it real. Just trust me.”

“Stefan, I’ve been in the film business for 30 years and I can honestly say – THIS IS THE WORST SCRIPT I HAVE EVER READ.”

I’m sent home to write a proper script. Let’s see, um – 790 miles long, four feet wide, will cross three mountain ranges, the caribou can still migrate, no harm to tundra or permafrost, earthquake proof, yakety yak… oh dear, I can’t write this stuff.

SAVED
The phone rings. It’s Humphrey. “How’s the script going?” “Not good. Just facts and figures.” “Don’t worry. The environmentalists have won – the pipeline has been delayed – maybe forever. The film is off. Don’t tell Roly, but I think your original concept was the right way to go.”

He’s an old charmer.

EPILOG
1971 – BP, Humphrey and Roly make Alaska – The Great Land. I saw it – not a mention of the proposed pipeline, just a sop to the Alaskans. 35mm color, soaring music, ghastly commentary: “Alaska is a lonely land of daunting distances and haunting beauty, once a frail foothold on a cruel coast, now part boom and bustle and part wrapped in the dream of the past.” Yep, that’s the god-awful script Roly approved. I couldn’t write tripe like that for love nor money.

1973 – There’s an oil crisis. OPEC puts an embargo on oil production and increases prices by 70%. Heck, we need our own oil! Environmentalists – who needs them? Build the pipeline ASAP.

1977 – It’s built and BP makes Pipeline Alaska. The job goes to UK writer/director John Armstrong of Pelican Films – not to Humphrey or me.

What did I do right?

That said Damita is amazing and Kenneth Carter, the director of the Benny Hill Show, is vastly more experienced than any local.

The show is studio based. It’s called “Damita Jo Down Under.” I’m booked to shoot Damita seeing the down under sites. Ken has a limo and driver. We’re off to La Perouse, where Damita meets an aboriginal and throws a boomerang herself. “Got it. Stefan?” “No worries, Ken.”

Next Bondi Beach where some guys with surf boards and bikini clad models walk by. Just there by accident? Oh, yeah. I try to make it look un-staged. Now shots of Damita in front of the Sydney Opera House and Harbor bridge. Damita boards a Manly ferry and gets off before it leaves. I’ve done this so many times.

Now for lunch… “Stefan , you’re a local, where do you suggest?” “Harry’s, it has to be Harry’s Café de Wheels in Woolloomooloo. It’s traditional Australian cuisine.

Tucked under a long wharf, Harry’s Café de Wheels has fed countless film crews and celebrities like Frank Sinatra, Robert Mitchum, Marlene Dietrich and Elton John.

“Let’s have a Tiger, my favorite.” I lie, but I need the shot of Damita eating a meat pie with mushy peas. Damita puts on a brave face. I’m shooting so I can’t eat. Funny about that. In the interest of full disclosure, I’ve have to admit my grandfather’s business, Sargent’s Famous Meat Pies is Harry’s original supplier. I have meat pies in my blood.

Harry’s is so famous that even you-know-who eats there. Legend says he ate three meat pies, one after the other.

MHS – MEANS “MUST HAVE SCAMPI”
London – anytime in the ‘70s. It could be one of a hundred shoots. Tricia and I are driving up the MI to shoot on location. Is it Birmingham, Coventry, Leeds – it doesn’t matter.

We try to arrive at 9:00, meet up with the manager, shoot and wrap before lunch..
He trek us around with us while we shoot the showroom/ the factory/ warehouse/ whatever…

“I think we’ve got it. Love to take you to lunch. Can you recommend a restaurant?”

Tricia and I follow him in our car. “Nice guy – MHS, I sure.” “Don’t laugh when he says it.” “I promise, not a snigger.”

“So nice to get out. I’m usually eating a sandwich in the office. Let’s see… Yes, scampi. Must have scampi.”

The old MHS… our eyes meet but we keep a straight face. We love our north of London clients but what is it with scampi? The menu has steak, chicken, fish even pizza but nine times out of ten, it is “MHS”.

“Scampi, mmmm, good choice. We’ll join you. Three scampis please and a bottle of house white.”

FRANKFURT, GERMANY
We’re here for the day. It’s all been lined up. The local manager of ICI Autocolor is going to take us to a re-finish shop. He’s going to talk, in German, about ICI Autocolor, only something’s gone wrong. His Gruppen Früher is away and he ain’t going to say nothing, no way.

“Well, can I take shots of the spray painting and maybe some shots of you and the re-finish paint buyer?” “Okay but no sound.” “No sound – promise.”

I take silent B-roll. When we’re packing up I say. “Can I do a short interview – sound but no pictures?” “No photography?” “That’s right, just a sound recording, no pictures.” “No problem, just don’t say it’s me talking.”

I’ve nailed him. Everything I need except sync. sound, who cares? Lunchtime cometh…

“We’re done. Let’s eat. Do you know a good local restaurant, something typically German?” “Yes, just down the road. I’ll take you there.”

Yikes!

A German version of Harry’s Café de Wheels – not meat pies – but sausages! Our host insists on buying us a big one each. This is not like an American hot dog; there’s no bread roll – picture a huge sausage wrapped in paper. Gross. There’s nowhere to sit down (just like Harry’s) – we are standing, eating our sausage in the street. It’s cold and raining lightly. Give me Harry’s CDW anytime. Now I miss Harry’s, this stand doesn’t even have wheels.

Tomorrow we fly to Bordeaux. Same production. We’ll be met at the airport by the local ICI Autocolor rep. We’ll shoot and have lunch. Got to be better than this.

BORDEAUX, FRANCE
André, a happy Frenchman, is at the airport to meet us. Unlike Germany, the weather is warm and smells of pine. He takes us to the hotel. It’s huge. Five stars and a few more. Long, white terraces, gardens and an Olympic sized swimming pool. “Don’t worry,” he says, “We’re paying for it and I’ve booked you in for dinner tonight.”

Sod filming, I’m staying here all day. I wish…

We dump our luggage and André drives us to the first body shop. It’s a modest shop, much smaller than the one in Germany. A family business; his wife runs the office and he has three spray painters.

At about 10:00, I’m up a ladder taking top shots on my 9.5 mm Angenieux lens. It’s hot and the air has spray paint fumes. “Would you like a drink?” I call down, “Sure anything, tea, coffee, wine…”

Back on floor level, Tricia takes me into the office. A bottle of Bordeaux red is open and glasses are waiting. Not only that, there’s a selection of local cakes and pastries. The French take food seriously, very seriously. We’re not in Germany anymore.

I shoot André and the body shop owner together chatting in French. “ICI Autocolor.” “Ah, c’est magnifique!” That’s it. We pack up. “I’d like to take some shots of the river, vineyards, anything that’s says Bordeaux.”

I film some grapes on the vine, get back into the car and we drive off. Funny, the drive is taking too long. “Where are we going André?” “A surprise.” Oh no I’ve done that one before when Rudy took me to the Mercedes warehouse on Sunday night  . Maybe there’s an ICI Autocolor office somewhere with a staff canteen.

Finally a clearing in the vineyards and a stone building – it’s an old winery. We enter and go downstairs into the cellars. And guess what? It’s a restaurant. Not just a restaurant but a restaurant gastronomique!

Let the wild eating begin! One course after the other. Each one separated by a small plate of culinary diversions. “Is this the main course, André?” He just smiles and refills my glass. Some plates need red wine, others white. The food doesn’t stop. People join us. Lots of laugher and jokes in French. I don’t understand, but I laugh.

After a few hours, I say, “Aren’t we shooting this afternoon?” André smiles and pours more wine.

FOUR HOURS
That’s how long we are there. I can’t remember the last hour except that it was a series of desserts.

We arrive back in Bordeaux. Go to another garage. It’s bigger, more modern. I guess I filmed it. I’m working on auto-pilot. “André take us home, SVP.”

The hotel manager is pleased to see us. “Bon soir, the restaurant is waiting. You have a table booked.” “I’m sorry, we couldn’t possibly eat another meal.” “But you have a reservation.” “Please forgive us. Charge a cancellation fee.” The hotel staff hate us.

The sun has set. It’s dark. We sit around the swimming pool. We have bottles of wine from the body shop and a brown paper bag full of little cakes. Some bats are circling. The pool and gardens look incredible.

Let’s swim. No costumes required.

It’s a tough job – but someone has to do it.

I’ve just written a piece about shooting Kaper Kops back when. I thought you’d like to read it. Then I looked you up on Wikipedia and discovered that you were dead:

Desmond Tester (February 17, 1919 – December 31, 2002) was an English and Australian film actor and television actor. Among his most notable roles was that of the ill-fated boy Stevie in the Alfred Hitchcock film Sabotage (1936).I feel bad that I didn’t keep up our friendship when I had the chance. Here’s the article:

TCN CHANNEL 9, SYDNEY, AUSTRALIA
I’m working as a junior TV director at J. Walter Thompson. By chance I make a commercial that is so good it knocks the one made by the agency’s head of television off the air. He hates me. I’m moved to a small office and given no work. Time to go…

I contact the station manager at Channel 9. He finds some space in a garage built as a prop for Aussie gas company, Ampol.

I move in and discover I’m sharing space with Desmond and Miss Penny, that’s the entire Ch. 9 children’s department.

Desmond, the local host of The Mickey Mouse Club, asks me to shoot a weekly, three-minute show, The Kaper Kops.

Mac Sennet's Keystone Kops (1914) the inspiration for the Kaper Kops

YOU CAN’T BE SERIOUS
We have just one roll of 16mm film to shoot each episode.

“That’s only three minutes.”

“Right, we have no editing.”

“Desmond, I’ve got all the kit, why not do it properly? I’ll shoot 400 ft. and cut it down to three.”

“No, we shoot in sequence with no editing.”

Shoot in sequence — no editing? “What happens if there’s a mistake?”

“No retakes. Wait and see. Once you know everything is take one, mistakes don’t happen. It’s like live television, only on film.”

Now I know he’s nuts.

WIND-UP CAMERA
I shoot at 8 frames a second on a Bolex clockwork 16mm camera. TV in Australia is 25 frames a second, so everything is speeded up by three on playback. Nine seconds of real-time live action is condensed into three.

100 ft. 16 mm daylight loading spool

A 100 ft. daylight loading spool is really 110 ft. I set the counter at minus five feet, thread up the camera in broad daylight, close the camera side door, and run on to zero to get rid of the exposed bit. We shoot live action to 100 ft. on the counter.

There’s really have another five feet inside there, but it’s going to get fogged on the way out. I keep running until — clickerty, clack — the film runs out. Open up the camera, lift out the now full take up spool.

SHOOTING BY NUMBERS
Desmond is the sneaky crook, Slippery Sam.

I need a 3 sec. shot of him checking out the jewelry shop. I shoot 9 secs. @ 8 fps. Great, that’s our opening. The next shot is — our next shot. Reverse angle as Desmond puts on his mask and runs into the shop. He robs the jeweler. Shot of him running out. Jeweler phones the Kops.

“Twenty feet, exactly, Desmond.”

Now we shoot 20 ft. of the Kops getting the news, driving and spotting the crook.

“We’re on 40!” Time for the chase. Desmond steals a bike. He can go places that the Kop Kar can’t go. I take alternate shoots of the Kops giving chase and Desmond escaping them.

Sunderland flying boat land at Lord How Island

At 60 ft., Desmond aka Slippery Sam, arrives at the Rose Bay flying boat airport. We have a title card. FLY TO LORD HOWE ISLAND. I do a takeoff shot from inside the plane.
The Kops are on board too, looking for Sam. At 80 ft. we land in the lagoon.

Finally, a 20 ft. chase around the island. He’s caught! Now at 100ft. Got it. Shoot the extra 5 ft., the film runs out!
_______________________________________________________________________

Desmond, at the time, I thought you were eccentric — okay, nuts — it was only later that I understood your achievement of making a film with no editing, no wastage. I learned a lot from you. Thanks.

Hope this reaches you. If it does, give me a sign, any sign.

Why is it that while the big, complex jobs can go smoothly, the little, simple videos for friends, family and clients are a world of hurt?

SAN FRANCISCO February 2010 We’ve finished a healthy budget corporate job — the client’s happy; we’ll get our final 50 percent. Today it’s ready to go, I’m burning the master DVD — the client wants 750 copies.

“Stefan, I’ll drop by and collect the master DVD at 3 p.m. Then I’m off on holidays. Oh, Don thinks it would be nice to make a slideshow, something to have running on the screen before they show the movie to their staff. About 30 slides — lift some frames from the edit. No music, just an old-fashioned slideshow.”

“Good idea, Rob. I’ll have some frame grabs ready by 3. I think we should do this without charge, a cool way of saying thank you. Should only take a couple of hours.”

THURSDAY Rob Arrives — “Here are some more stills from Don. Just scan them. I can’t wait to get away. When you’ve finished, just post the envelope back to Don with the finished slideshow.”

I open the manila envelope — it’s full of photos, some small, some too large for my scanner. There are also a couple of CD-Rs with photos.

While I’m scanning, Rob is choosing and numbering photos. “What about the frame grabs from the video?”

“Forget them, Don really wants the best of this lot.”

FRIDAY — Rob’s screwed up. There are two #12 slides, two #24s. He didn’t use any shots on the CDs. I phone: “Stefan, I’m just back from the kennels. I’m really upset. I tried to tell him we were only away for a few days. I could hear him howling as we drove away. Look, I’ll leave it to you. Just pick the best of the photos.”

It’s not easy. I choose 40 photos. Put them into iPhoto and click on slideshow. Yes, I want Ken Burns FX and dissolves. Five seconds a slide seems best.

When I try to export, the aspect ratio vanishes, it’s nothing like the on-the-screen slideshow. I’ll e-mail Kenny, he knows everything Mac-wise.

SS: I’m making a simple slideshow. I thought it would be easy. Wrong. It all works in iPhoto on the screen but falls apart on the export. I’ve got iLife ’06.

Kenny: Stefan, the iLife ’06 slideshow is pretty useless, you really need iLife ’09.

Drive to the Apple shop, then drive home. The move from iLife ’06 to ’09 works. My slides are still in the folder and — yes — I can export 16:9 with the NTSC DV codec. I phone Rob. Too late, he’s gone. Have fun, Rob.

MONDAY — I put the slideshow on my server.

Don: What happened to the frames from the finished video? Please add another 12.

Katie: Katie here from head office. Saw the slideshow. Love it. I’ve found some good stills from last year’s annual report. I’ll put them in Dropbox.

TUESDAY — Don: Looking good. But far too much industrial plant. Need many more scenic pretties. Do you have the aerials from the ’08 shoot?

WEDNESDAY — Katie: Wow. So much better. Here are my thoughts. At 1:14, take this shot out. At 2:15, looks too similar to other photos. At 3:01, the guy no longer works here, so take him out.

FRIDAY — Don: Really getting better with all the new slides. Weed out some of the black and whites. Overnight FedEx DVDs to me and Katie.

TUESDAY — Sharon: Hi, Stefan. It’s Sharon. We met at the plant. Just love the slideshow. I found some old company calendars. Each month has a collection of staff photos. Will FedEx.

THURSDAY — SS: Don, the 120 calendar shots from Sharon are all B&W portrait while the main show is landscape mainly color. Mixing them up is a mess.

DON: Suggest you keep the color one as-is and make a second B&W slideshow.

MONDAY — Rob arrives back. “Hi, I just spoke with Don. He didn’t have the heart to tell you. It was a hot night. The party was outside. They showed the main video inside and everybody wanted to go out again.”

“You mean…?”

“Yep. They scrapped the slideshow. Stefan… Stefan, are you okay? I heard a loud thump.”

By Stefan Sargent

Excitement. Roger and Vicki are coming to stay overnight. Roger worked in my London video facilities company, 30 years ago. That’s where they met. He dumped Miss-Almost-Right for Victoria.  She was producing documentaries and went on to be an Exec. Producer at the BBC (The What Not To Wear Show). Miss-Almost-Right never got over Roger and married a chartered accountant at Arthur Anderson.

We pop a bottle of Moet. Roger, just back from the Yosemite wilderness, needs a quick Internet fix. He proudly displays his new iPad. I give him our WiFi password, burritojoe – chosen by my teenage son. He’s in. Gets his iPad email. Plans our wine country drive.

Roger loves his iPad. Can’t stop showing me its features.

“Where’s your Website?” “It’s www.stefansargent.com”

My Web site on Roger’s iPad – DaBBH!

Ouch, nasty. It’s all Flash; iPad speak for Da BIG BLACK HOLE.

“It’s very clean. Minimalist. A strong statement.” “Cut it out Roger, it’s a POS .”

I am humiliated. We finish the Moet. Time for two buck Chuck. $30 vs. $1.99. Who cares? It’s DaBBH, I care about.

Move on; talk about old times and plan tomorrow’s trip to Sonoma and Napa.

Vicki in Sonoma. Better in video as the “flowers” are turning.

In Napa, we say goodbye; Vicki flies back to London, Roger to a conference in Manila.

That was last weekend. This weekend is my daughter’s birthday. George has given her -you guessed it – an iPad. She wants to show me everything…

“Dad, Mum’s Website doesn’t work.” Ooops. I had put a Flash slideshow on the home page. Yep, DaBBH again. Groan.

DaBBH – I CAN’T TAKE IT ANYMORE
On Thursday, SlideShowPro comes out with Director 1.5. They say if a mobile device can’t play Flash – of course, they mean iPad /iPod /iPod Touch – it will run the slideshow in HTML5. Sounds like magic. I really don’t understand; anyhow, I pony up my $39 and download it.I remake the slideshow on Tricia’s site in Director 1.5. Looking good on my MacPro but what’s it like on an iPad? I don’t want to bother my daughter, Roger’s in the Philippines; I drive to our local Apple Shop and check it out.

Whaaaa! DaBBH! Sid, the Apple salesman is very sympathetic. He used to work on DEC PDP-11 computers. I knew the PDP-11 well as they were the backbone of the Redifon flight simulators I shot in Salt Lake City many moons ago. “Come back anytime you think you’ve got it working,” says Sid. A good man is my man Sid.

I think the iPad is going to be huge. Look at the iPod. Honestly, do you know anyone who bought a Microsoft Zune? The new Blackberry PlayBook looks good – but my money’s on the iPad.

BlackBerry’s new PlayBook. Competition for iPad? I don’t think so.

If I’m right, I need a Website that works on an iPad. A good Website is a zillion times better than a thousand Twitters and Facebook posts. No Web site – you’re nobody.

Of course I could put my stuff on YouTube or Vimeo and I do if clients ask me. But for me, I want my collection on my site with a page of my chatter about the-making-of. You can’t do that on YouTube.

iPAD’s DaBBH CHALLENGE
Today, I will not let Director 1.5 beat me. By end of play today, Tricia’s site will work on an iPad. If I screwed up, I’ll find out why.

Yes – the trouble is I didn’t RTFM.

Well today I did RTFM – and it ain’t half confusing. These computer people think that we can think like them. Oh no…

And there are steps five and six.

I print it out and begin. Step-by-step. Finally I get there. They really should farm out these instructions to people like me. On their community forum there is a sad collection of folk who just don’t get it:

It would be great if the documentation on what to replace in the embed code was a little more specific… it wasn’t clear to me

I’ve been trying to update the slideshows on my site for iPhone/iPad compatibility following the instructions. 
I’m quite determined and stubborn but It’s just not happening! 

I need clearer information on how to go about it and a more detailed step-by-step approach.

If only they had made a step-by-step video. I’m available for this kind of work. Good rates too.

Anyhow I wade through the Gobblygook and it looks as if it might work. I leap into our Jeep and race to the Apple Shop. Where’s Sid?

I type in the URL on an iPad and lo! PAS DA GRAND TROU NOIR.

Tricia’s site on an iPad, le grand trou noir est disparu.

Not exactly what I’d imagined but there it was – a basic slideshow on the iPad. No DaBBH. Just slides. No Ken Burns effects or dissolves but better than nothing.

Where’s Sid? I want to show him my success. No Sid, he has a day off. I find another Apple person. He’s less than impressed. “Ho hum,” he seems to be saying and wanders off. Wait ’til I tell Steve J. “Promote Sid, fire this guy.”

Back home, I discover how to turn my plain old MacPro into an iPad emulator. What fun! On Safari – go to Preferences – Advanced – tick the DEVELOP menu.

Then go to the Safari DEVELOP menu and select User Agent – Mobile Safari – iPad. Woo-hoo!

Now when I go to www.roughlinen.com on the MacPro, the Flash slideshow has gone, instead I see it the same as I saw it in the Apple Shop – minus the couldn’t-care-less sales person. How this happens is a mystery. Saves me buying a first generation iPad /driving to the Apple Shop /flying to Manila /visiting my daughter.

It still needs more work but it’s there. I said I’d do it today – and I did!

iSTEFAN – THAT’S ME
Now to tackle my own Flash based Website and make it iPad –friendly.

Fate intervenes. An email from Burton’s web designer:

Hi Stefan, Burton would like the video converted to QuickTime. If you can do that please send it to me directly. I’ve set up scripts on the sites so that it will display QT to people who have QT installed, and otherwise will use the flash version.

That’s clever. How do you do that?Steve sends me two pages of code of which the above is just a tiny snippet.

It’s all too complicated. I’m not a web designer. I’ll do it when I get back from a shoot in NY, FL & TX.

Whoosh! I’m back. I make a H.264 QuickTime movie that’s the same size as my existing Flash .flv movie. I could have used Adobe Media Encoder CS5 but I use MPEG Streamclip. Why? I dunno. Three minutes later I have a page that looks like my Flash homepage but contains a QuickTime movie. I call it istefan.html.

Time to tackle the two pages of code that Steve sent me last week. Oh dear; too much code, my head hurts. Have lunch, have a drink…

Back to work. Google is my friend. I find this simple code.

<script> if ( (navigator.userAgent.indexOf(‘iPad’) != -1)) {document.location = “http://www.stefansargent.com/istefan.html”;}</script>

Looks too easy. Can’t work – I mean two lines vs. two pages. I drop it into the body of my home page code. I have no idea what I’m doing. When I use my iPad emulator, the home page instantly switches from index.html to istefan.html, the new iPad-friendly page.

Final test. I visit my daughter. Will it work on a real iPad? Yes it does! Success! Now all I have to do is make iPad-friendly pages with H.264 movies instead of Flash. I’ll keep the Flash version of my site as-is because IMHO Flash plays better at lower data rates than QuickTime. Let’s see: 50 flvs to turn into 50 mp4s… won’t be hard, nice to have a hobby.

ma Website on an iPad - out damned DaBBH

No longer a PoS – more like a PoC!

So good I could eat it.

If you’ve been reading my diary here over the last three years, you might sense a pattern: I get a job, there’s lots of pain and grief — finally, I get the job done and save the day.

Not so with this sorry tale.

IT’S MY VIDEO AND I’LL FLY IF I WANT TO

I have a production for a client with offices in Cleveland, Portland, Delaware and somewhere else. Against my advice, he insists that I do the primary shoot while his interstate offices hire local crews.

“If you want a consistent look and high production values, fly me. I’ll match the cost of the local crew and the only added expense will be airfare, car hire and hotel.”

No dice. The district offices won. I mean, anyone can shoot video, can’t they?

Don’t get me wrong. There are hundreds, maybe thousands of production companies that shoot great corporate video. Then there’s Max…

TAKE TO IT THE MAX

Max is a friend of the people in the Delaware office. He does superb architectural photos — still photos, not movies. He has a good Web site; building exteriors and beautifully lit interiors. Now he has a Canon 7D. Whoopee. Anyone can shoot video, can’t they?

He’s booked to take some advertising stills and, yep, he’s the guy who is going to take video for my production.

SS: Hi, Max, Peter has asked me to contact you regarding the shoot next week.Please shoot 1080 60i, not 24p. Go wide, then close up, details, people, etc.. I noticed that the interiors on your Web site have no people. Video thrives on people. People doing things, close-ups of what they are doing. Reverse angles. Video loves movement. A static building needs a moving car passing by. If nothing moves, move the camera, put wheels under your tripod.

Max: I don’t have wheels. There’s not much light. I did some video tests but the video looks noisy. What is the lowest shutter speed I can use?

SS: A shopping trolley or a wheelchair is good for tracking shots. I often drop from a 60th to a 30th to get any extra stop. There’s a slight blur on movement but perfectly acceptable.

Max: Ready to send. What size photo files — TIFF or JPG? What is the best format for video? Be specific.

SS: I don’t need stills. Video: I’d really like ProRes 422 (LT) but otherwise H.264 1920 x 1080 @ 29.97 fps. If you need conversion advice let me know.

Max: You can download the stills and video from my FTP. Here’s the address, username and password…

GOT IT

SS: Got it. Eight 10 MB stills and just one movie shot. The interiors are wide, no people stills. Even the single video shot has no people. NO product shots. I’m really disappointed.

Max: The interiors are for their brochure and needed pin-sharp quality and long exposures. I only had time for one movie. I hope you can take out the noise. I was booked for one day. If you want more, take it up with Peter.

SS: Hi, Peter. I don’t know what’s going on with Max. I tried to be as helpful as possible. After a lengthy series of e-mails, he sent me just one movie shot. It just won’t work for your video. I’ll fly up the night before, spend one day shooting and fly back same day.

Peter: Hi, Stefan. Sorry Max didn’t work out but we have the problem solved. My colleague Dennis has a new iPhone 4. It does HD and is good in low light.

Dennis also has iMovie and would like to try his hand at editing. Thank you for everything you’ve done. Please FedEx your tapes (or is it on disc?). Bill us for the work done so far. Thanks again.

Dennis: Hi, Stefan. Peter has asked me to edit the video. Do you think iMovie ’09 will be up to the job? What’s the difference between Final Cut Express HD and Final Cut Pro?

PLEASE, SOMEONE — JUST SHOOT ME.

original article here

Struwwelpeter – childhood fears return

My grand parents were from Germany. One Christmas they gave me a copy of Struwwelpeter http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Struwwelpeter – a German children’s book of cautionary tales. Pauline plays with matches and burns to death. Augustus won’t eat his soup and starves to death. In Little Suck-a-Thumb, Conrad has all his fingers chopped off.

SAN RAFAEL, CA., OCTOBER 2009 I’m trying to finish an edit. It’s not working. The computer’s fine; it’s me. There’s no structure. I’ve promised my client, Patrick, “ready by Friday.” I won’t make it.

There’s that noise; the front door smashed down… here comes the crazy tailor with his giant scissors.

“Du bist ein dummkopf! Ich werde ihre finger abhacken!”

DESPERATION = INSPIRATION!
“Wait! Don’t finger abhacken! I’ll use my no-brain format.”

“Angeber-braggart. Du schei?t’ mich an!” (Big mouth! You’re shitting me)”

Poof! The scary tailor vanishes. I phone Patrick. Confess. Can’t make the Friday deadline – I need him as the link person. I tried to be creative; big mistake.

Drive up to Napa. Shoot Patrick’s to-camera piece in a vineyard. We’ve got it: an opening, a middle and a closing. A spine to hang the video on. My no-brain format is a lifesaver.

HEY GUY’S, CHECK THE RECIPE OUT

Patrick – my missing link

1: Plan to shoot a head and shoulder of your client or his star turn. Just one person. He or she might protest, “I’d like to have old Bill on this, and Dorothy too…” Your job is to explain it’s just one person telling the story. You say, “We’ll see Bill and Dorothy in the video don’t worry.” Got it? ONE PERSON – no more.

2: Now shoot your client/or link person – looking at the camera lens. Frame: second shirt button down on an open neck. Ask questions – your voice will not be used. What’s the business do? How did it start? What are their goals? Who are their people? Make sure you have a good opening and closing statement.

3: Listen to what your to link person has said. Shoot B roll to cover. Get some shots of Bill and Dorothy doing something with live sync. sound.

4: Do some testimonials from customers. They are only testies – so keep them short. They are looking at you – not at the camera – only your link looks at the camera.

5: Put down 6 minutes of music in your edit timeline. Any music will do, it’s just for timing. Seems crazy but look at this way, you can make a 30 minute and then cut it down to six – or make it six, first time around.

6: Find your opening statement. Paste it over the music padding. Find the closing. Back time it to the six minute out-point. Paste over the music timeline. Hey, it’s still six minutes. See why you need a locked down six minute timeline?

Now the tough part; looking at your timeline, there’s a hole between the opening and the closing. Duh! Now fill the remaining five minutes with good sound bites from your link person (your version of my Patrick). Create a logical story – leave the picture there but it’s the audio that’s important. Forget the old “Unleash Your Creativity” claptrap. We are making a paid video for a client not for the Dogpatch Film Festival.

7: Squeeze in a testimonial here and there. Whoops – eight minutes. Trim it back. Don’t, repeat – don’t start editing B-roll visuals until all the audio is in place. When you’ve finished, you’ll have a timeline with your link person and testimonials. Listen to it. Does it tell a story? If yes – go to step 8.

8: Now’s your chance to add B roll. Paste over the talking heads but keep the audio. If the B-roll has good sync sound, use it as an “insert”. Gosh, there might even be time for flash of music.

9: Add opening and closing titles and lower thirds. Show client. Type invoice. Get paid.

10: Repeat after me: “I’d rather get paid than be creative. I am not making a piece of art, I am making a happy client.”

Watch my no-brain format video. See how Patrick glues it together. https://stefansargent.com/ fortun.html

Whenever I discover that what I like and admire is rejected — or, even worse, when what I dislike is liked and praised by others — I stand back and wonder: Can I be right all the time? In my world, the answer is yes.

SLICK AS HELL
Take TechCrunch. Today, head cruncher, MG Siegler, is raving about a new Facebook Places video on YouTube. Read his write up here. He must be on strange substances as he thinks it is (a) as slick as hell and very nicely done and (b) it looks like an Apple video.

It’s slick as hell — very nicely done. In fact, we weren’t the only ones who initially thought that it looked like an Apple video. The correct way to do these things either seems to be to go for humorous/hipster (like Square) or sentimental/simple (like Apple).

With their Places video, Facebook actually sort of combined the two — it’s the ultimate sentimental/hipster video. As I said, it’s very good. My favorite parts are the bits where the iPhone is searching for service — welcome to life in the Bay Area with AT&T.

YOU’LL WONDER WHERE THE BACKGROUND WENT
Come on MG. You can’t be serious. It’s a fad driven infomercial. Looks like a Canon EOS 5D Mark II shoot, high on bokeh, low on content. Put me off Facebook Places forever.

See the video here on YouTube HD.

I have to agree with the honest commenter who wrote: Facebook Places is the social network equivalent of dogs peeing on fire hydrants.

This one too: Come on. With the schmaltzy music, and earnest geeks, you think this is good? If every one of my friends on Facebook starts posting where they are all the time, I’m definitely going to turn that feature off. Next, they’ll be having their dogs check in at the dog run.

Here’s a frame grab from YouTube. The commercial is about Facebook’s Places. Yes, PLACES. Any idea where this dude is? Are they flags on the LHS? Is this in a shop, a mall, or is he lost somewhere in a Facebook continuum? No one knows where he is. But wait; his Facebook page reads: “Today, I was in a slick as hell video.” Woo hoo; he checked-in, now we know where he was!

The concept and execution of this infomercial is all floss and ephemeral trivia — from the oh-so shallow depth-of-field, to the burnt-out the overhead lights. There’s nothing authentic or real about it.

Where did real go? What happened to the Whole Earth Catalog?

PURPOSE
We are as gods and might as well get good at it. So far, remotely done power and glory — as via government, big business, formal education, church — has succeeded to the point where gross defects obscure actual gains. In response to this dilemma and to these gains a realm of intimate, personal power is developing — power of the individual to conduct his own education, find his own inspiration, shape his own environment, and share his adventure with whoever is interested. Tools that aid this process are sought and promoted by the Whole Earth Catalog.

Well it’s gone. In its place we have: My Space, Facebook, Foursquare, Gowalla, Twitter, YouTube and TechCrunch. This is progress.

I LIKE REAL
Here’s Bob. He’s been working for the same company for 40 years. I shot him in his lab with my incredibly out-of-date Sony V1 camera. He’s real, straightforward and honest.

I can’t imagine him checking-in to Facebook. No matter, we know where he is. He is in a laboratory. Duh.

It’s all too easy to give the shot an over bright, out-of-focus background. Took me just five minutes using the rotobrush tool in After Effects CS5. Separate the background and throw in a ton of Gaussian blur and Exposure effects. I don’t like the look and neither would my industrial client. It’s fake.

GO FOR BOKEH
So why did the cameraman and the director of the “very nicely done, slick as hell” Facebook Places video go for bokeh?

First, because today’s DSLRs can do it no problem, slickety-slick, and second, because it’s modern, fashionable and trendy. It’s Cool. Today’s video equivalent of hula-hoops, lava lamps or pogo sticks.

While traveling in Burma, George Hansburg, the pogo stick inventor, came across a poor farmer and his daughter, Pogo. The farmer couldn’t afford to buy shoes for his daughter, and therefore the daughter couldn’t walk to the temple to pray every day. So the poor farmer made a jumping stick for her.

How about: One day, a poor filmmaker couldn’t afford to shoot 35mm color film, He wanted his daughter to think he shot film, so he bought a Letus 35mm adaptor for his Sony EX1 video camera. Does it look like film? Yes, daddy, it looks like Conrad Hall shot it. That’s my girl.

Combine over-the-top bokeh with Magic Bullet Looks and the only limit is your creativity. Just kidding. Adding a pre-made filter is not creative.

YOU KNOW IT ISN’T A DREAM, IT’S LOVIN’ BLOOM
The high priest of the bokehsphere is Philip Bloom. I admire Philip’s get up and go. I don’t have to like his videos with in-your-face bokeh, Magic Bullet color tinting plus time lapse and/or slo-mo motion effects. Can I be wrong?

Sadly, yes. Once again, I’m out voted. The guys at Lucas’s Skywalker Ranch love him. They flew him to San Francisco on a teaching mission. Armed with his now aging Sony EX3, a well used Letus adapter and his Canon 5D MkII, he rents a car and drives straight past my house on his way to the Ranch. Read about it here.

Still from a bokehsphere video by Bloom

Making the background go soft and fuzzy is a piece of cake. If it were hard to do, nobody would do it. This true of all fads. Fads are only fads if they’re easy to copy. Someone does something novel. It looks or sounds great – everyone joins in – it’s a fad – then, poof, it’s over. Looks silly and outdated. Quick, hide the lava lamp.

Fads come and go. Let’s start with Hitchcock’s 1959 Vertigo — the famous track-in-zoom-out shot. These days it’s called a Contra Zoom by the trendarazzi. Spielberg stole it for Jaws in 1975. Scorsese too in Goodfellas in 1990 – the scene in the coffee house. Oh, Spike Lee in Do the Right Thing in 1989, a quick one in Paul Anderson’s Event Horizon in 1997. And those are just the big name directors. The effect was copied by hundreds of lesser known filmmakers and wannabes. Boom — that’s it. Bye, bye Contra Zoom.

What self-respecting 2010 movie director would use Contra Zoom? The old guys did it way back in the previous century because it was all the rage and easy to do. And it wasn’t stealing; oh no, it was … homage.

CANTED CAMERA
In 1986, I working for Philips, in Holland. There’s not much to do in Eindhoven, so back in my hotel, I watched endless MTV pop videos. One after the other they were in B&W but with one color (red was favorite) lifted out of the monochrome. Video after video, all with the same B&W with a dash of color style. Weird.

Ten years later, I was booked for a company convention. My client had hired ITN, the major new organization in the U.K., to satellite broadcast the conference worldwide. Their top-flight, experienced cameraman set up a great looking shot while his young assistant took handheld, B&W, Dutch angle shots with a cheap camera. The live broadcast director cut from one to the other throughout the interviews. Ugh! Thank God that nutty interview technique was short-lived.

But the Dutch angle has survived. Film critic Roger Ebert, wrote “…director Roger Christian has learned from better films that directors sometimes tilt their cameras, but he has not learned why.”

New looks that are hard to copy never become fads. Take the deep focus look of Welles’ Citizen Kane. The very opposite of bokeh, but, unlike bokeh, it is almost impossible to copy. Look at the sliding walls and furniture in Jamiroquai’s “Virtual Insanity” directed by Jonathan Glazer. Try and do that. It’s a fad-free style. New, fresh, original and a swine to replicate.

WHEN WE WERE KINGS
Okay, I admit it. Years ago, I too was young and trendy. I had just left the BBC and went back to Australia with all the “slick as hell” tricks I’d learned.

I reveled in backlight with a smear of Vaseline gel on the lens. Couldn’t shoot without it. My 1966 equivalent of bokeh and Magic Bullet. Look at the burnt-out top right hand corner. Then flip back up to the 2010 Magic Bullet photo. Hmmm, I was so hip!

Here’s a frame grab from my ballet video. See it move here.

One day in the late Mad Men 1960s, I was at an ad agency and the creative director said that he was tired of my backlit blurry commercials and wanted me to try a new style. I was shocked. My hip was now tired and un-cool. The commercial was for Reward Soap, Your Reward for Being a Woman. Honest. I couldn’t make this stuff up.

All I had to do was re-create an existing U.K. commercial. They even gave me the U.K. lighting set up, camera lens and frame rate details. That was the start of my soft, bounced light period. Everything looked beautiful, lit by soft wrap around light. Clients were queuing up for “my look.” Those were the days. I was cool again. Sigh. But it was an illusion, both my commercial filmmaking and the phony stories. Your Reward for Being A Woman. A cake of soap as a reward? Oh well, I won awards and got paid.

I’ve changed. I was cool but now I’m not. Today my style is real. I like to think it isn’t a style. It’s just simple, straight forward, no tricks and honest. Fresh squeezed orange juice, a lettuce with oil and vinegar, ocean waves on rocks, Bob in his laboratory…

IN PRAISE OF REAL
My wife Tricia has a business making natural linen bedding, Rough Linen. First find the right linen. Linen like her great grandmother’s homespun linen pillow. Tricia’s goal was to make bed linens as simple and elemental as her heirloom from the 19th century.

While I was revamping the Web site, I asked Tricia to write her beliefs for a page called CREDO. She wrote it in minutes. Is it any good? It’s perfect.

I like real.
I want to do everything myself, hands on. I love skill. I love to pare things back to the bone, to the essence.
I want to know provenance, history, my heritage.
I admire an elegant sufficiency. I like things around me to be comfortable, hardwearing, trustworthy, understated, utterly fit for the purpose.
I miss old towns and villages, the sense of a community deeply rooted in place, building, tending, understanding, appreciating, generation after generation and for the future. Connection, identification, pride, responsibility.
I resent advertising, branding, labels, the victim side of fashion – but appreciate hard work, creativity, talent and play.

It made me think about my own trade, my own credo. Do I want to make films that are “slick as hell” or “as real as hell”?

Real can be funny, thoughtful or serious. Sadly, this video is serious. No cheap tricks, fads or gimmicks, not even 24P. Pared right back to the bone to tell the story of brave Jill Costello.

Jill with her sorority friends at Berkeley — this is a bokeh-free area.

I filmed Jill on September 28, 2009 and later on May 16, 2010, her graduation day. Five weeks later, on June 24, Jill died, aged just 22.

The original video was made for The Bonnie J. Addario Lung Cancer Foundation. John Catchings did the production and interview. After Jill’s death, I edited this minimalist, Jill-only version with additional stills from James Hall’s video on Vimeo.

View it here.

If Jill’s short life moves you, donate here.

John Wayne, one week for $100K

SAN RAFAEL, CA JUNE 2010 We’re out on our deck. Caroline has come to see my homemade pole camera.  She’s about to leave for eight months shooting in China. She’ll be producing, directing and doing the camerawork. Brave girl. Minor problem: she can’t speak Chinese.

Over the chicken salad, Tricia says, “Have you seen 2046?”  “No, why?” “It was shot by an Australian cameraman. He’s based in Hong Kong and is fluent in Chinese.” I chime in, “Oh Chris Doyle. He’s brilliant – amazing. But you’ll never get Chris Doyle.” What did I just say? Am I crazy? He could be tired of features, love Caroline’s project; like to do a documentary. Worth a try.

Over lunch, I tell Caroline two true stories…

SYDNEY AUSTRALIA 1968 Ruth has a problem. “Ruth, we need someone famous to open the new resort. A big name. Maybe a film star.” Ruth makes TV commercials, she’s is in the media – so Ruth, “Go find a big name movie star.”

“You mean like John Wayne?”  says Ruth. “John Wayne, yes – he’d be perfect. One more thing – we can’t spend more than $100,000. But you’ll never get John Wayne!”

You’ve got to agree that any normal, sane person would hesitate to offer John Wayne $100,000 to fly to Australia and open a hotel. Not our Ruth. She locates his agent and makes the international call.

“Hello, my name’s Ruth Sainsbury. I work in Sydney, Australia for Lintas, an advertising agency. One of our clients is opening a resort on the Australian Gold Coast. We were – err – I was – wondering if Mr. Wayne would like to visit Australia. We’d show him around, see the Great Barrier Reed, visit Ayers Rock, learn how to throw a boomerang – and cut the ribbon to open the resort. It would be a real holiday.”

And you know what? John Wayne is in between films – needs a break – has never been to Australia – wants to go. Money isn’t important. Ruth tells me he had a wonderful time.

WARWICK UNIVERSITY UK 1969 Tricia and I have been booked a documentary about students adjusting to life at Warwick University. We move into student accommodation at Warwick. There’s no script. No planned events. We just wander around. No lights. No tripod.

Go to lectures. Evening singsongs. Enjoy student parties. I carry my Éclair 16mm NPR. Tricia has a Nagra quarter inch and a couple of radio mikes. If it looks good, we shoot it. Bliss. My kind of job. People get used to seeing us around. Ignore us.

One day our client, Beryl Stevens, visits.

“How’s it going?”

“Great. Almost there. I’m trying to work out how it will slot together. What music to use.”

In the background I hear music from the Beatles Abbey Road.

“Beryl, here’s an idea – we’ll use Abbey Road.”

“Come on Stefan, you’ll never get The Beatles!”

Music from Abbey Road – $500 gets it all

NEVER GET THE BEATLES! Thems is fighting words. If Ruth can get John Wayne, The Beatles will be a push over.

I write a hand written, plain paper, letter to Dick James Music. The letter goes something like: “Dear Mr. James, I am making a film with students at Warwick University. It is to show new students what’s in store… making new friends, getting lost, drinking coffee, listening to Beatles music, going to boring lectures… I want to make it very real. Can we use some tracks from Abbey Road in our production?”

Surprise! A few days later, a reply from Dick James himself, typed on official Northern Songs letterhead. Says, he’s spoken to the Beatles (oh yeah). They’d love us to use anything we want from Abbey Road. Just fill in the standard MCPS form, attach a copy of this letter, pay minimum rates.

Beryl checks it out with her legal people. Does it cover both publisher and mechanical copyright? Yes, it does; works out at less than £250 – about 500 dollars.

My timing is amazing. A month later, Dick James sells out. I like to think he gave it to us as a farewell present.

Want to shoot your pop video in the White House? Use Lady Gaga as a voice over? Remember these true stories. Nothing is impossible.

Never get Chris Doyle? Stay tuned…

View six minutes of Warwick University 1970: here

NORAZZA CD & DVD DESTROYER
The video jobs I don’t write about are internal meetings, new products – stuff that’s confidential. My clients don’t want it in DV magazine nor on a dud DVD.

Often it’s not my fault – the guy we filmed last week just got fired – “Take him out.” Damn, I already made 25 DVDs.

Death and destruction: Yes, please. The Norazza DD3000 does the job. Zzzzzzzz-zing! Boy, that feels good! I bought mine for $42.50 from Adorama.

How about hard drives? Enter Norazza’s model DD9000. Insert the drive, press the green button. In 10 seconds, there are four holes drilled right through the drive. What fun. See the truly awful YouTube video.

FOLDING STEP STOOL
I’m 5’ 10” – the head of the Trust for Public Land is 6’ 4”. I want the camera to be on eye height. Up go the tripod legs but I can’t see through the viewfinder. Just as well we always pack folding steps.

You can buy these babies on line at Markertek.com but go to Bed Bath & Beyond where they are a little cheaper.

ALL HAIL THE DOUBLE A!
A year ago I would have told you that lithium batteries are the way to go. I WAS WRONG!

Sure, lithiums last a zillion times longer than your average AA or PP3; so long, that you believe they’ll last forever. Then right in the middle of a shoot, the radio mike dies. Gone! No warning. Nothing. Just eerie silence. The mike transmitter is on the speaker. He’s way over there, up on the stage. You’ve had it with a capital “F” and a lower case “d.”

After a mega disaster, I give up on lithium. Buy the cheapest batteries I can find – Ikea, Rite-Aid, CVS – use ‘em once then give away to friends, relatives, passing strangers… “Like a used AA?” Maybe I should go rechargeable…

Here’s Apple’s $29 “low vampire draw” AA charger. Vampire draw – whoever thought of that? Take a prize. Means that once the NiMH batteries are charged, the input power drops down to almost nothing. According to Apple’s hype, the old fashioned chargers keep sucking away – even in daylight. Suck, suck, suck…

But my radio mikes use 9 volt PP3s. An Apple PP3 charger? Not a chance, as no Apple keyboard, mouse or touch pad runs on PP3s. Nope, I’ll pass on Apple.

The Lenmar PRO541 5-in-1 is a better choice. It does AA, AAA, C, D, and 9 volt PP3. And it’s nine bucks cheaper than Apple’s offering. Staples has them @ $19.99. Talk about low vampire. I just unplug. Zot! Not even a little suck.

BLACKOUT FOIL AND GAFFER TAPE
There’s a lot written about lighting but very little about removing light or “negative fill.” Pulling the curtains often isn’t enough. And what if there are no curtains?

I won’t go out without black foil and a roll of gaffer tape to hang it up.

Black Foil 2’ x 25’ is from FilmTools, while Markertek has a great deal on gaffer tape.

X-KEYS PROFESSIONAL
Colored “editing” keyboards are for wimps. You can buy them configured for FCP, Premiere Pro and After Effects. But please don’t.

Here’s the problem. Take the letter “V.” In FinalCut Pro: ⇧ (shift) V is PASTE INSERT, ⌃ (control) V is ADD EDIT, ⌥ (option) V is a PASTE ATTRIBUTES, ⌥ ⌘ (option, command) V REMOVES ATTRIBUTES, ⌘ V is normal PASTE. And V by itself SELECTS the edit point closest to the playhead. It’s impossible to put all that info onto one keycap and still have the symbol V showing.

A great resource for shortcuts is here – not only FCP 7, but for Avid Media Composer 5, Motion 4, Color 1.5 etc.. Thanks to Zak Ray who put it together.

I’ve memorized most of the usual commands and mapped the exotic ones, like EXPORT USING QUICKTIME CONVERSION to function keys – on my keyboard, it’s F13. I could map four more events to F13 using ⇧⌃⌥ ⌘ modifiers but that would fry my brain. No worries. I’ve found X-Keys.

I started with the 24 key version – soon realized 24 wasn’t nearly enough. They took it back and upgraded me to the 58 key USB “Professional.”

Grab a short cut, say ⇧ K, program it into X-Keys software. Bingo, one key does GO TO NEXT KEYFRAME. Click! Another key takes me back to the previous keyframe.

Need Color Correction 3-way? Used to be a series of mouse moves: up to EFFECTS, down to VIDEO FILTERS, across sideways, down to COLOR CORRECTION, across sideways, down to COLOR CORRECTION 3-WAY – or if I could remember the shortcut ⌃⇧ 2 (who on earth can remember that? Maybe Zak ⌃⇧ 2 Ray).

Now with X-Keys, I just press one button. Done. What a boon for the busy editor.

If you’re right handed, put X-Keys to the left of your regular keyboard; that way your right hand stays on the mouse. P. I. Engineering also makes foot controls. Now you can edit with two hands and both feet!

Buy from P. I. Engineering. Their software is for both Windows and Mac. Yes, Jerry, it works on Windows Premiere Pro.

MY KC&CO BOX
Here are four XLR barrels that I keep in my “Keep Calm and Carry On” box.

XLR MALE & FEMALE GENDER CHANGERS
I am at a huge hall in San Francisco and the PA guy offers me a feed. He’s been on staff forever and is a real old pro. Unwinds this long audio cable with a female XLR connector on my end. A female XLR? He must know my camera, anyone’s camera, needs a male.

Out with my KC&CO box. I quietly add a male to male gender changer.

Later, he says, “Everything OK?” “Fine, the level’s perfect.” I’ve also added my Sescom hum killer and my Terry pad (see both below). He was playing games. He knows that I know, that he knows that I know that he knows; a very funny game if you been doing PA in a city hall for donkey’s years.

I had an engineer in London who would purposely re-patch monitor YUV feeds into YVU. Instead of calling him in, I’d fix it myself. “Everything OK?” “Fine, Les, no problems.” Used to drive him nuts, especially when I put it back to UVY.

I always carry male to male and female to female XLR gender benders. Buy them via Google. Cheap as dirt.

XLR SESCOM IL-19 AUDIO HUM ELIMINATOR
It’s so easy to pick up hum on a location shot. Often you can’t hear it on your headphones. You can remove hum in post with filters but it’s far better not to record it.

The Sescom IL-19 to the rescue. A gift @ $44.99 from my Markertek friends.

XLR CENTRANCE MICPORT PRO

I’m lazy. Here’s a snip of the maker’s copy: The CEntrance MicPort Pro is the easiest way to capture a professional-quality vocal take, communicate with clarity over Skype or record studio-grade instrument samples. Much more than a simple XLR to USB adapter, the MicPort Pro is the only portable mic preamp with a built-in, 24bit/96kHz, broadcast-quality A/D converter.

I use it for recording voiceover straight to my MacBook. There are cheaper units but this one is the best. Read the review in DV here.

XLR SHURE A15AS

I am recording Terry McGovern, a professional voice over talent. He really wants to work close to the mike and let it all come out! Sounds distorted in the headphones. I’ve never had any actor overload the system. I didn’t believe my ears but overload it, he did! Go Terry!

That’s when I bought this mike pad. You can dial in 15, 20 or 25 dBs of attenuation.

I call it my Terry pad.

HYPERMAC BATTERY
I don’t know about you, but my ambition is to work on location with as few power cables as possible. None would be good.

I love my radio mikes. No wires. I usually run my cameras from batteries even if there’s nearby power. No wires.

If I had $10K I’d buy four 1 x 1 Litepanels and run them off clip-on batteries. No wires.

My HyperMac battery runs my laptop for 15 hours. No HyperMac and my MacBook dies in a couple of hours. Going, going, gone.

I make a short lead from the HyperMac battery to a four-pin XLR. Then another from the XLR to an in-line connector. Now the battery runs both the MacBook and the AJA IoExpress box. I can even power my Ikan VX9 monitor from the HyperMac battery and charge my iPod at the same time.

All together, everyone, say, “Cool.”

Dear Mr. Sargent, we read your excellent article where you mentioned our 1×1 Bi-Color variable color temperature Litepanels. We’re thrilled and would like to send you, no charge, four Litepanels with complementary batteries. Keep up the good work!

Dream on, Stefan.