Flying low over freeways, yuk! I just don’t want to do it…

“What’s the matter Stefan? This is very, very important shot for an equally very important client. I don’t understand your problem; getting old, thinking of chucking it all in?”

“Gee Dave, you know how to hurt a guy. Look it’s just not my thing – and besides there are plenty of aerial cameramen in LA. You should use a real pro with a proper helicopter rig.”

ENTER THE POV.HD CAMERA
I’d never heard of a camera called POV.HD until Queen Cristina asked me to review it.

I phone Dave. “Hi Dave, that freeway job, I’ve got a new camera that does great point of view shots from the top of a car.”

“Sounds good but we still need that helicopter to show the advantage of car pool lanes. It’s very, very important…”

IT’S HERE – MY NEW TOY

POV.HD camera head and suction pad

The POV.HD (awful name) arrives with a box full of bits and pieces, which I guess are for downhill skiers or rally drivers. The only one I really need is the suction mount.

Like the GoPro, you can change the field of view by changing the size of the capture area of the sensors. 1080p has a FOV of 142 degrees, while 720p is not so wide at 95 degrees.

I do a few tests. 142 is just too wide – in LA we’ll be on a six and seven lane freeways, my guess is 95 degrees will be better. So 720p it is…

A GREAT BIG FREEWAY

The huge advantage of the POV.HD over you know what, is that the recorder is separate from the camera head. You can see what you’re actually shooting, you can stop and start and even playback to check that you really got it. At $599, it’s double the price but what’s $300 in a job costing thousands?

POV.HD recorder with 2” LED monitor

I wet the suction cup and clamp it down. “Is it safe?” says Dave. “Sure, I tested it at home.” “Safe at 80 mph on a freeway? Can you imagine what would happen if it flew off and hit another car.” I’m worried. I have two steel safety cables at home – why didn’t I bring them?

I give the POV.HD a good tug left and right, seems really secure. Being just the camera head, it’s lighter and more streamlined than the GoPro body.

Early morning, the sun is just up. We leave the car pool parking lot. Dave is driving; I’m at the recorder controls.

DAVE’S DIRECTORIAL DEBUT
We’re recording onto a Class 6 SD 8 GB card. Dave’s up to 75 mph; the camera’s steady, looks good, very smooth. We climb up the ramp from the car pool lane and descend into the freeway itself.

“Look at that traffic jam and we’re going whiz past it. How’s it look?”

We spend an hour shooting. Dave merges into the jam and in the POV.HD monitor I can see the car pool traffic passing by while we’re stopped dead.

Dave finds an overpass. We clamber up the stairs and I set up the shot. Dave is peering over my shoulder looking at my Sony V1 flip-out viewfinder. He’s excited.

“Pan and zoom, pan and zoom.” “That doesn’t mean anything. You got to say in or out – or left and right.”

The traffic’s really bad and the car pool lanes are almost empty. “Pan in.” I sense he wants to shoot it himself.

Dave’s overpass shot showing the car pool advantage

“Here you go. This is the zoom control. Pan and zoom as much as you like.” A huge smile comes over his face.

“I’m getting really good things. It’s great. I zoomed in. This is terrific! I’ve got it! Perfect. Tells the story. Cancel the helicopter!”

If my checked-in baggage is lost in space

and never makes it here

my carry-on - three cameras, two radio mikes, batteries, LED light, tapes, SD cards – will save the day.

IL VA THAT-A-WAY It’s 1975 – I’m flying to Dubai with one stop over, Damascus. It’s a five-hour flight. The crew tells me they are flying back tonight. I climb down the steps into the hot night air, walk to the terminal.

The lounge is in chaos. It’s Hajj time when devout Muslims make their way to Mecca in Saudi Arabia. The Middle East hub is Damascus. The lounge is packed with pilgrims trying to connect with their Saudi flights.

From a window, I watch the luggage coming off the plane. There’s my camera case, my tripod and my suitcase, all in a two-wheel trailer towed behind an airport truck. It passes right in front of my lounge window.

Ten minutes later, I see it again. Yikes, it’s going back to the same plane, my camera, my tripod, my suitcase. I dash to the door. Two Syrian soldiers with sub-machine guns stop me.

“That’s my luggage! That plane is going back to London! I’m going to Dubai!”

In Arabic: “Kiss your baggage goodbye. Now get back inside.”

I’ll try my schoolboy French: “M’aidez Monsieur. On regarde ma camera avec tripied – il va that-a-way – la bas.” I connect with the French speaking guard. “Suivez-moi” he says.

Great. We run across the tarmac and reclaim my stuff. The rest of the baggage goes up the conveyor belt and into the wrong aircraft. The guard, now my very best friend, carries my camera and checks me into the Dubai flight. Merci beaucoup!

FLY AND CRY 20 years later, still based in London, I fly to Belfast, Northern Ireland. Here we go – it’s carousel time. Gradually it empties. Where’s mine? The carousel grinds to a halt. Oh dear.

I find the British Airways luggage lady and show her my stubs. She phones. OMG, it’s all gone to Edinburgh; my lighting case, my tripod and my personal suitcase, not here in Northern Ireland but in Scotland.

“We’re really sorry. It will be on the next flight out of Edinburgh. Arrives here at four tomorrow afternoon.”

Not a big deal. Why? I carried-on my camera, some batteries, tape stock and a radio mike. I have the essentials. I’m good to go and dead smug.

Next day; I handhold (no tripod) and use available light (no lights). Wire up the CEO with the wireless mike and walk him around the factory.

By five, I’m back at Belfast airport and there’s my lost luggage, fresh from Scotland. The only thing I missed was my toothbrush. Yeah!

POLYCARBONATE RULES Over the years, I’ve stuck to this plan: carry-on enough to shoot even if all the checked-in vanishes, as one day it will. I used to carry-on over-the-shoulder camera bags but somehow the walk from security to the flight gate got longer and longer. Maybe it’s me, I’ve got older and weaker; time to re-think.

This year we retired our camera bags and lighting suitcase and bought two new cases. A 21” Delsey Helium Shadow 1844 carry-on trolley for the two cameras and the larger 25” Shadow 1847 for lights and everything else. The polycarbonate is super light and the four wheels simply glide across the airport floor.

We checked in the 25” in at SFO this week. Fingers crossed – made it. Yep, just 48 lbs., that’s with a Rifa light, two dimmable Dedos, four lighting stands, reflector, a small tripod, Sennheiser rifle mike, AJA IoExpress, power cables and what have you. 48 lbs. – two pounds under the 50 lbs. maximum. Pride.

The 21” carry-on Shadow holds two Sony V1 cameras with extra batteries, tape stock, headphones and filters. All snuggled inside Snoop Camera Inserts from Timbuk2.

Over my shoulder is the Timbuk2 Camera Messenger (without its Snoop Insert). Unlike my retired camera cases, the bag holds my 15” MacBook Pro, two radio mikes, GoPro Hero, X-mini speaker, LED light and emergency Violet Crumble bar.

THE CASE OF THE CAUTIOUS CAMERAMAN; case – get it? Just in case you missed it. 

Consider the violin: it rests on the shoulder, steadied by the chin. One hand works the bow, while the other supports the far end of the instrument and fingers the strings. It’s light and fits the human body – the perfect combination of form and function.

And here’s Rune Ericson in 1980 with the Aaton 16mm film camera: rests on his shoulder, so well balanced, the center of gravity keeps it sitting there. One hand supports the far end, while the other hand is free to zoom, follow focus and change f stop.

No add-on recorder, no extra viewfinder, no wires – sleek and elegant – the perfect combination of form and function.

photo courtesy Ned Soltz

Moving from film to video, from 1980 to 2011, here’s DV magazine writing colleague and friend, Ned Soltz’s F3 camera kit. Takes great HD pictures, bang up-to-date – but what’s happened to sleek and elegant? 

SUDDENLY IT’S RAINING ADD-ON BOXES
It makes good sense to enhance an existing product with an add-on. Sailing boats have outboard motors.

Wartime cars, when gas was rationed, used charcoal burners. Ugly but better than no gas and sitting in the garage.

Most video cameras record digitally compressed signals. Even the mighty RED records compressed signals. Once you compress an image, it makes it difficult to do effects in post like chromakey and layering. Help is at hand as almost all cameras have an uncompressed output straight from the camera’s sensors. Add-on boxes take advantage of this port and then either use a lower compression, like ProRes 4:2:2, or with the aid of modern Solid State Drives (SSD) record the pure uncompressed signal; hence the rash of new recorders.

Cinemartin SFVe @ approx. $4,000

Fast Forward Video has SideKick HD | Atomos with The Ninja| Cinedeck with, er, the Cinedeck | Sound Devices’ new babies PIX 220 & 240

Sound Devices PIX 240 @ $2,695 – photo credit: Adam Wilt

AJA , of course, has Ki-Pro Mini | Cinemartin, SFVe | Convergence Design their popular nanoFlash and the new charmer, the Gemini 4:4:4.

Convergence’s Gemini 4:4:4 @ $5,995

Oh yes, and BlackMagic has Hyperdeck Shuttle. At $345 retail and around $327 on the street, it blows the rests away, bang per buck. Ever seen a product manager cry?

Blackmagic’s Hyperdeck Shuttle @ $345

So it hasn’t got a monitor, it’s not ProRes and gobbles up disk space, but it’s $327 vs., say, the Gemini 4:4:4 at $5,995.

on my left, the Shuttle’s 512GB for weighing in at $840 | on my right, the Gemini’s SSD 512 GB at $1,349

UNCOMPRESSED IS UNCOMPRESSED, RIGHT?
Reading the Gemini specs. I am confused. Extra money for S-Log uncompressed… ArriRAW is coming; so too the popular Weiss format…  Huh? I thought un-compressed is un-compressed. S-Log is un-compressed, isn’t it, why pay more?

I turn to my good friend, Adam Wilt, who provides technical services at the newly opened Meets The Eye Studios in San Carlos, CA:

Adam lines up a Panasonic AG-DVX100

SS: Hi Adam, I’m writing a piece for DV mag. about my $327 BlackMagic HyperDeck – which works well (eventually)

AW: Eventually? Not ready for primetime just yet?

SS: and saying that for me it’s the best bang per buck solution. I say that if money were no object and I could justify return on investment, I’d get the Gemini 4:4:4, “The First Affordable Uncompressed Recorder”, they say ( they would, wouldn’t they), I mean $6K vs. $327.

AW: Well, little things, like the Gemini is smaller (by half an inch), has dual-slot SSDs, a screen, a touch overlay, real BNCs, a robust casing, a proper user interface, etc. BMD went for a minimum-cost approach and the Shuttle is a very bare-bones recorder as a result. Gemini is designed for no-compromise fieldwork, complete with more mod cons. and that has consequences for cost.

SS: It’s uncompressed so why all this S-Log stuff and ArriRAW (paid upgrades) and an upgrade to “the popular Weisscam format.”

AW: All “uncompressed” means is that what comes in via single-link or dual-link SDI gets recorded to SSD in a bit-for-bit transcription, with no further compression.

In the case of S-Log, most commonly it’s a 10-bit dual-link signal (which Gemini will record quite faithfully), but instead of having a standard Rec.709 gamma for perceptually uniform coding (sorry, I’m tech editing Charles Poynton this week, so that sort of terminology comes trippingly off the tongue right now!), or put another way, a “visually linear” tonal-scale rendering, an S-Log signal uses a true logarithmic coding: in effect, a gamma curve with raised, milky mid-tones, and an extended highlight capture range without the need for a knee.

It’s much like the “Cineon” curve for film scanning. It’s not intended for direct viewing, it’s designed to capture the entire tonal range that the camera is capable of, for later grading.

ArriRAW is a true raw (non-demosaiced) image, carried using the dual-link HD-SDI transport. It isn’t video, properly speaking, but frame-based scans of the sensor’s raw values, that needs later “development” (demiosaicing, deBayering) to be viewed as an RGB image.

Weisscam is another raw format that can be carried on dual-link SDI.

The Gemini will record them all.

SS: Huh? Weisscam is popular?

AW: It’s becoming more popular, as Stefan Weiss keeps making new cameras! See http://www.fdtimes.com/news/cameras/weisscam-t-1/

Stefan Weiss with his new camera

SS: RAW is uncompressed, yes?

AW: Not necessarily. My Nikon still cams can record raw uncompressed, or raw compressed. RED records compressed raw, where you can set the compression ratio. There is NO uncompressed raw capture on RED.

RED have never enabled the data port on their cameras. You can only record RED RAW on RED supplied media: CF and SSD via bolt-on modules, or hard drives via eSATA connections on a proprietary cable. All the BNC outputs carry deBayered HD video, down sampled to a rather coarse 720p on RED ONE, or a rather nicer 1080p on EPIC.

SS: Uncompressed is uncompressed – right?

AW: Yes, true. But that doesn’t mean that the uncompressed signal from camera A need look anything like the uncompressed signal from camera B; all it means is that the recording is a bit-for-bit replica of whatever gumpf came in on the input connector!

Your little Sony V1U sends YCrCb component video at 1920×1080, 8 bit 4:2:2, 29.97 fps over HDMI, and an uncompressed recorder should record it with perfect fidelity. The Arri sends raw sensor data at 2880×1620, 12 bits, 23.976 fps over a dual-link SDI connection, and an uncompressed recorder (capable of recording ARRIRAW T-Link format over dual-link SDI) will record it with perfect fidelity–but it’s a completely different data format than the V1′s uncompressed signal, and the two formats are not interoperable.

Just looking at the Alexa, I can have it output any of the following uncompressed signals:

– 1920×1080 Rec.709 video, just like any other camera (more or less).

– 1920×1080 LogC video (Arri’s counterpart to Sony’s S-Log; it’s derived from the Cineon curve, and it’s intended for later grading).

– 2880×1620 ArriRAW, an unprocessed raw data dump from the sensor.

All are recorded uncompressed, yet all look very different. And that’s just from ONE camera!

SS: S-Log, LogC, Cineon curve, oh my. Let’s take a short break from Adam’s master class…

HERE’S MY BLACKMAGIC HYPERDRIVE SHUTTLE
IMHO there are only two places that a camera add-on can go: either on the rear, or underneath – on top or even worse, on one side, throws the camera’s balance off and we don’t want that, do we?

I opt for a low-slung Hyperdrive cage. I visit my local precision engineer, Ron, with a sketch of what I want, “Has to be light, handhold-able and easy to remove.”

Ron likes this kind of challenge. I call it Slingdeck.

The day I collect my Slingdeck, BlackMagic announces its own mounting plate. How it attaches the Shuttle to a camera is a mystery to me. Modestly, mine is 10 times better.

Sony V1U ($1,750 S/H) with $327 Hyperdrive Shuttle captures uncompressed video

Is the Shuttle perfect? Nope. When it arrived, it simply didn’t work, just green images with black lines. Then they brought out 1.1 firmware. Yep, it now works – but wait, no it doesn’t. Yes, it does. Unreliable.

After a string of emails (“You’re the only one who has this problem.”), I drive to BlackMagic tech. headquarters, just south of Oakland airport. After an hour of head scratching, here’s the verdict: turn on the Shuttle FIRST – count to five – then turn on the camera. Do it in that order and it records perfectly every time. I can live with that – just.

BlackMagic are working on a fix. Roll on, firmware 1.2. Roll on, an output for the DISP button which does FA at the moment.

• “You’re the only one who has this problem.” OMG that’s what Éclair said when my ACL jammed film in humid Majorca. That’s what Ampex said when they delivered my 1” VPR1s. That’s what CMX said when I complained about their editing system not understanding the PAL 8 field color sequence. That’s what Markus said when I sued them as their studio doors didn’t meet specs. “You’re the only one who has this problem.” Is it me?

BACK TO ADAM’S EMAIL:
AW: The Shuttle’s low price comes with a price, as it were, and it’s important to show that.

“Faster, better, cheaper” is the eternal triangle of antagonists; with the Shuttle, “faster” takes the hit: the ritualized startup sequence, the lack of proper monitoring, the need for ancillary equipment.  That’s the price you pay for getting the “cheaper” of $327 and the “better” of uncompressed.

Some will say that’s too much of a sacrifice and go for the more polished and production-friendly Gemini. But it costs $5,700 more!  That’s the price to be paid: no more “cheaper”; even if by the standards of a couple of years ago it’s still an incredible bargain.

For the cash-strapped indie with a crew of two and VFX stars in his eyes, the Hyperdeck Shuttle enables what would otherwise be financially impossible. For the time-starved commercial production company with expensive union bodies on the clock and a cranky client in video village, $6,000 is a pittance to be paid for the smoother workflow the Gemini provides.

Horses for courses, that’s all.

SS: Wow Adam you’re good! Thanks.

AW: Any more questions?

SS: Just one. Why can’t a video camera be more like a violin?

Queen Cristina hath writ:

The new Digital Video is organized into three primary sections: Look, Lust and Learn. The “Learn” section is purely instructional…

So I’m in LEARN.

…how to use your gear, terms and trends you need to know, and how to incorporate new skills into your workflow

That sounds like me. But wait, there’s no LEARN in my top banner. Nothing!

“We can’t put LEARN on Stefan’s page. I mean, there’s nothing there to learn.”

“Perhaps, they can learn from his screw-ups.” General laughter.

Time to fight back – yes, you can learn from Stefan’s page. Here goes:

LEARN: HOW TO GET THE JOB AND SAY “TRUST ME”

The Angel Island ferry

Dee is a friend from way back. I’ve made a couple of Web sites for her, never a video. Now she wants a TV spot. “Just show the island, the café, the Segways, the bike hire shop, the views, the tram ride, the beaches, the ferry ride, the weekend band on Sunday, some dancing – make it fun. Can you do it?”

“Sure. Trust me.”

With a ton of suggested visuals, the thing I’m really missing is words and music.

LEARN: HOW TO GET A FINISHED PROFESSIONAL SOUNDTRACK

Betsy Holm – singer/songwriter

I’m in Vegas; it’s a dinner. I’ve pre-paid $40. I’d better go; try to enjoy myself. “Hi Philip. Hi Dan.” There’s a girl playing the guitar and singing. “Now it’s time for our first raffle.” Raffle over, she sings another song. She’s good. While the next raffle is underway, I attack…

“Hi, I’m making a commercial for Angel Island in the SF Bay. Could you do a 30 second jingle for me?” We exchange cards.

Her name is Betsy Holm. She not only sings, she writes the lyrics. “Spend the day in a wonderful way, we’re heading over to Angel Island.” Wow!

LEARN: HOW TO GET THAT SPECIAL, IMPOSSIBLE SHOT

Find a student to do the animation

I say to Dee, “I want the commercial to start with a high shot looking down on the island. It’s so high that we can see the Bay and the two bridges.” “Great idea but we can’t afford a helicopter.”

My son’s best friend’s girlfriend’s girlfriend is studying animation. She has some good work on her site. Her name is Marnie Brumder.

“Hi I’m making a commercial. I need a shot looking down on Angel Island. So high we see birds flying under us – we see the GG Bridge and a ferry going to the island.”

Marnie’s animation is terrific.

LEARN: HOW TO GET TALENT WITHOUT COST

Use a hand held GoPro Hero to shoot real tourists on the ferry

I’m running out of time. I only have this weekend to shoot. I’ll cut on Monday. Dee will see it Tuesday. Get it to the station by Thursday; on the air the following week.

I have no talent lined up, nothing set-up – except there’s going to be a small jazz band at the café on Sunday.

I get on the ferry from San Francisco. On the upper deck are four attractive girls with their boyfriends. “Hi, I’m making a video for Angel Island. Can I film you? I don’t have the budget to pay you. I have some release forms…”

They giggle and sign up. I shoot them with my trusty Sony – then in a moment of inspiration, I get out my new GoPro Hero, I’d bought the day before. Press the button, the red light flashes, I hold it out at arm’s length. Nothing posed, I capture the moment as the ferry arrives.

LEARN: HOW TO ADD PRODUCTION VALUE FOR $90 A POP

iStockphoto dolphin

Dee comes over to see my edit. Tricia says she saw a dolphin the day she went to the island. I go to iStockphoto.com. I have a dolphin in HD. Dee says, “How about a deer?” Click, click… now we have a deer.

“I love it” says Dee. Her boss loves it too. Everyone happy. I get paid.

Does this all sound too unplanned, too much left to chance? Maybe. Sometimes you need to take chances. Stefan has spoken. Learnt anything?

• Okay, so I have been counting the days that I have been booked the last month doing, camera or audio, I worked 8 days this month. Is that slow? Or, is that average busy time for a freelancer. So far, this calendar year, I have made about 20K. I am trying to make 40K by the end of the year.
• The places that I look for work are Craigslist, Production HUB, Reality Staff.com and Mandy.com. I also get requests for quotes from Production HUB and Mandy. I just got a couple of quotes from the latter in the last week, but none of them replied after sending my quote. Typically, I charge $1,400 a day for a 2-man crew, $850 for a one-man band (including light kit, camera, audio kit) which is standard in the Dallas market.
• There have been quite a few job postings, seems like more productions are going on and things are picking up, but I have no shoots booked yet for next week nor next month, so I am starting to get a little worried. I have a $7,400 HPX370 (my main camera) and a Sony Z1U, sound kit, light kit sitting in the closet, not making me money.
• How do most of you find work and how many days a month do you shoot?

Starman, I feel for you. We’ve all been there, including me. Suddenly there’s no work. Everything stops, especially in summer. You get worried – I get worried. Join the club.

But as much as I can emphasize, Starman, you’ve got the wrong attitude – so out of touch. These days it’s no good being a cameraman/editor – you’ve got to be so much, much more. And it’s no good, being good. Good is no longer enough.  You’ve got to be excellent, so much better than the rest.

MEDIA WRANGLER
There’s a great body of people out there with $8,000 cameras collecting dust and there are better things to do than sitting around waiting for work to drop in.

It won’t.

Now – repeat after me: I am no longer a cameraman-editor – I am a media wrangler. Again: I am no longer a cameraman-editor – I am a media wrangler… a do-it-all dogs body.

Want a PowerPoint show? Yes, you can do it.

Your friend’s sister wants a video on YouTube. A pushover.

The local printer needs help with Photoshop; go help him.

The neighbor wants a Web site – do it. And do it for free.

WORDPRESS
In this new economy, WordPress is king. I’ve written it before – if you can do FCP (or Avid or Premier) you can do WordPress. Forget wordpress.com – get the real thing, wordpress.org. It is F-R-E-E. Buy WordPress for Dummies. $14.82 and worth every cent.

An essential filmmaking tool. Go buy it…

Download WordPress files, upload them to the root of your site. You also need to use an FTP program like FileZilla. Hey, it’s free too. Now attempt the:
famous 5-minute installation, setting up WordPress for the first time is simple. We’ve created a handy guide to see you through the installation process.

Friends, it ain’t that easy. Five minutes is correct, if you’ve done it 20 times before. It took me two days to figure out how to create a MySQL database. “Famous 5-minute installation” – rubbish.

Next thing is to stop your Web site from looking like a blog. I suggest kicking off with a free theme like Woo Themes Swatch.

Then move on to more complex themes. Mine is called Garnish (but please, please, don’t copy mine!)

My own WordPress site

Working with WordPress will increase your Photoshop skills. (You can do Photoshop, can’t you?) You’ll also need some cheap tools like: SnapzPro, MPEG Streamclip, Art Director’s ToolKit – but you won’t need Dreamweaver, RapidWeaver or even iWeb.

Can’t afford PhotoShop? Use picnik. It’s a free on-line Photoshop look-a-like, owned by Google.

Unlike filmmaking, you can get into making Web site creation for next to nothing. I promise you, if you can do WordPress, you will generate film/video work. Site first – then the videos will follow. My Promise.

SO HOW DO YOU GET WORK?
Contacts. Contacts. Contacts. Contacts. Contacts. Contacts. Contacts. Contacts. Contacts. Contacts. Contacts. Contacts. Contacts. Contacts. Contacts. Contacts. Contacts. Contacts.

Contacts. Contacts. Contacts. Contacts. Contacts. Contacts. Contacts. Contacts. Contacts. Contacts. Contacts. Contacts. Contacts. Contacts. Contacts. Contacts. Contacts. Contacts.

Have I made my point?

I arrive in the USA on April 1, 1999. I KNOW NO-ONE.

My son goes to school. He wants to learn fencing and drama. They’re out of school fee-paying activities. We meet Peter Meyers who runs the Vector Theater Conservatory (remember this is my first or second week in a foreign country). He tells me the cost per semester. “I can’t afford that Peter – but I can make you a promotion video.” He falls for it.

Peter in 1999 – teaching kids how to perform

It takes a week to shoot and edit. He sees it and cries, “It’s so beautiful – you’ve captured the essence of the Vector.” I’m taken aback – no British client has ever cried or used a word like “essence”. I must be in San Francisco. My son has free tuition for five years.

That was 1999 – and now it’s 2011. I’m booked tomorrow to shoot Peter Meyers and his High Performance Communication team. A client for over 11 years and it started with a no-money-exchanged job.

Peter in 2011 – he’s written a book and is teaching executives how to communicate.

That free/contra-deal video got Peter hooked into making videos. I’ve traveled with him to Moscow, to Belgrade, to Montreux (three times), to Brussels (twice) and to loads of US locations.

Now consider this: just say in 1999, I met Peter at a party or maybe he’s a neighbor. Just say, instead of saying, “I’ll make you a video, if you teach my son drama” – I said, “Peter, I’ve just arrived in the States, I really need US work on my showreel. I’d like to make you a free video. Absolutely no obligation – it’s free, no charge – I just want to start making videos here in the US.”

The result would have been the same. Having seen how quickly and painlessly I work, he would have booked me for a real paying job. Then when he had that conference in Moscow, he would have taken me. Or that shoot in Hungary. And the week at Cisco …

Free Web site and videos powerful tools to bring in paying ones. But only one – per potential client:

Eileen’s boyfriend wants a Web site. I make one for free. It takes an afternoon. Eileen’s daughter needs a Web site for her restaurant. Hmmm – got to charge for that. Eileen’s daughter’s friend, Danny, needs videos and a site for his LA bike touring company. No question, I charge – but take note, it all started with a freebie.

Danny’s WordPress site has three videos

When you’re starting – don’t charge low rates – charge nothing. Then charge the full going rate. There are so many non-profit organizations who want videos. I haven’t got a single neighbor who doesn’t need a Web site or a video.

The guy next door sells boats, the lady downstairs does insurance claims, the lady on the opposite side has a hat shop, Mary is an art teacher, Carolyn an interior designer – and so it goes on and on. Carolyn worked for Burton, he needs videos – I travel with Burton to Germany three times. Burton knows Malcolm. I make seven YouTube videos for Malcolm.

Contacts. Contacts. Contacts. Contacts. Contacts. Contacts…

So you think filmmaking is easy – a piece of cake. You’ve spent three years at UCLA, graduated with honors – your student film was screened at the Ventura Film Festival.

You’ve got FILMMAKER printed on your business card. It’s all rosy and then one day you enter the real world…

It’s kind of scary out here. How to get work? How much to charge? Get a crew to help? What to pay them? Charge sales tax on DVD copies? The location needs a cool $1,000,000 insurance policy …

But be warned, dear newbie – the scariest thing out here is… CLIENTS, especially if they’re a dog.

MEET BENTLEY He might only be a dog but he’s client to be reckoned with.

“Stefan, I think that cut should be a dissolve.”

“Cutting is cool, John. Dissolves look really old fashioned these days.”

“Bentley, cut or dissolve?”

“Woof.”

“It’s a cut. Thanks, Bentley.”

“Woof.”

“No Stefan, I think he’s saying wipe. Woof means wipe. And he’s right, a side wipe would be great. Good boy Bentley. Daddy loves you”

“You’re not serious? You want a wipe?”

“Why not. Try it…”

“What do you think Bentley? Isn’t that better? Yep, stick with the wipe.”

KEEP CALM AND CARRY ON Behind the photo of John and Bentley, you can see my poster, Keep Calm and Carry On. In wartime Britain, when the chances of a German invasion seemed possible, the government produced this classic. As you all know, as even Bentley knows, they didn’t invade and the poster was scrapped.

But it’s become my mantra. The visual equivalent of “Always Look on the Bright Side of Life.”

CLIENT ARE THE STRANGEST PEOPLE I received an email today from Peter.

“Stefan, I showed our homepage video to Xxxxxx of the Xxxxxx Corp. and he thinks the one you made five years ago was better. Can you comment on this?”

“Hang on a moment, Peter. I’ve got Bentley with me.”

OK, Bentley, here’s the new video – like it?” Two woofs. “Now here’s the old video.” No woofs.

“Peter, my client today saw both. Loves the new one. End of story.”

MY WEB SITE CLIENT Friends, I’ve got to tell you that if you can get your head around FCP, you too can make Web sites. WEB SITES … it’s a natural extension to your filmmaking skills. I’m surprised that UCLA didn’t include it in your curriculum.

You make a video – where’s it to be seen? On to the Internet, of course. You don’t want some dumb Web designer asking for files.

So my little FILMMAKERS protect your video and learn WordPress.

Now you’ve got double trouble. Take Michael (please)… He was no fun as a video client and now he wants a site.

“Sure, I can do WordPress. Here are some themes. I really like the iFeature theme – or Striking.” He settles for iFeature. I spend two weeks creating the site. I always buy an .info site from GoDaddy. They cost just over a dollar. I host them on my shared server for the client to see progress.

Michael LOVES what I’ve created… Wow. Great. Terrific. You are a genius.

Next week an email: “Stefan, I think we’ve picked the wrong theme. Maybe Striking would have been better. On the pages where we have white type over the ripple background, please lose the background and go to black type. Finally, it’s all too big for my Mac laptop. Please shrink the site down.”

Come back John. Come back Bentley. All is forgiven. You can have woofs, I mean wipes, on every scene change. Please shrink the site down. Grrrrrr.

Keep Calm and Carry On. Keep Calm and Carry On. Keep Calm and Carry On…

^{Frozen faggots in modern day packaging. The brand when I filmed it was owned by Kraft Foods and called Brains Faggots.}

1972 Bristol, UK. Ever filmed processed food? It’s a stomach turning experience.

We are in a sausage roll and faggot factory in Kingsland near Bristol, UK, making a series of short films for a Kraft Foods convention in Belgium.

THE OFFAL TRUTH It’s clean, hygienic – we’re in hospital scrubs wearing blue hairnets. It’s not the manufacturer’s fault that we’re both feeling queasy.

Faggots began as a traditional peasant’s dish from England’s West Country. They consisted of pork offal: all the leftover bits and pieces of pig combined into balls with onions, milk-soaked breadcrumbs and herbs and wrapped in a sheep’s caul from unborn lamb fetus.

Modern faggots skip the fetus bit but it’s just as scary. There are small mountains of white lard on the floor. Nearby, tubs of ingredients like pork liver, soggy bread crumbs, ready to be poured into the machine – which is going glubber, glubber, glug – out go the faggots onto a conveyor belt.

Try to make this look attractive – it just isn’t possible – glub, glub, glub.

The factory manager is pleased that we’re here and keeps leading us to undiscovered treasures – like the thick West Country Sauce – squirt, squirt, squirt.

Hurray, we’ve finished the shoot. The manager takes us into his office and gives us a presentation pack of 24 Faggots – four in each box; yes, friends we have 96 frozen faggots to take home.

“Hey guys, surprise: faggots tonight!” Still, it’s BTW – Better Than Working.

2008 Boston MA.
LITTLE CLINIC OF HORRORS We are in a small, private clinic. It’s cramped and noisy – very noisy. People pushing past each other, telephones ringing, nurses and lab technicians clinking glass beakers. In short, a terrible place for an interview.

I find a nearby conference room. “Is this room free?” “Sure go ahead and use it.” While Tricia and Harry move the conference table and take out the chairs, I’m back in the lab. shooting five minute locked off shots that could be useful as backgrounds for the interview.  Great, I’ve captured all the un-staged hustle and bustle of a busy clinic. Will look terrific behind the interview.

Tricia sets up the green screen in the conference room – I do the lighting and lineup the camera.

We’re ready but where’s our victim, the head of the clinic?  Funny, we were told to be here and set up by 10:00.

Midday comes and goes. What’s happening, we flew here yesterday from San Francisco? Our next interview is in Florida tomorrow morning. We got a plane to catch. He’s not answering his cell. Where is he?

Waiting, waiting; we miss lunch. Finally, our star arrives, takes one look at our green screen setup and says, “I’m not doing it here.” Harry tries to explain how the lab is too cramped and noisy and besides, we’d be in the way with our camera and lights.

“Follow me,” we are all marched back into the lab.. “That’s my corner. That’s my chair. And that’s where I want the interview.” Ugh! It’s slap bang against the wall. “I’ll just get my lights…” “No lights – I want it to look real, this isn’t Hollywood.”

FEED ME SEYMOUR

Worse – we’re running so late that we’re going to miss the plane to Gainesville. Mad taxi dash to the airport. We just make it – no time for lunch and no food on the plane, well not counting peanuts. Charlotte, we land and have to change terminals. We get to the Gainesville gate and they’re boarding.

The second plane is tiny. We are in the first row. It’s bumpy. The flight attendant says that they won’t even be serving drinks. “Go on, give us a peanut.”

We arrive around midnight. Ask the cab driver for food recommendation. Burger King is the only choice. Tricia shouts into the drive in window, “Three Whoppers, please.”

We get the hotel at 12:30 a.m. Give Harry his Whopper. Hey, where are our two? Only one. What happened?

1:00 a.m. in bed. “Your turn to bite.” “There you go. Now your turn.” One Whopper between two is no fun but better than sharing a faggot in bed.

Once again – BTW, Better Than Working.

Graham Kerr (pronounced “care”),
The Galloping Gourmet.

SYDNEY AUSTRALIA June 1968
“A party, a party, hey Graham just asked us to his garden party.”

Graham has a local Sydney TV show called “The Galloping Gourmet.” I made the opening titles and, from time to time, I’m booked to shoot some outdoors sequences: Graham in a wet suit coming up out of the water with a very dead fish on the end of his spear (he bought it from the fishmonger an hour before).

Graham in the Australian bush shooting a rabbit – soon to become rabbit stew, well not that rabbit, but who cares, it’s only daytime television.

I like Graham, it’s always fun working with him. Ooops, it’s the phone again. “Hey Stefan, Treena came up with a good idea. I was going to take some shots on my Canon Scoopic but I’ll be busy cooking. If I give you the Scoopic can you take some shots – just home movie stuff; would be nice to have a record of it?’
Canon Scoopic 16.

Two days before the roasted pig barbie; “Graham again – been thinking, can you bring your Éclair – so much better that the 100ft Scoopic. Oh, and I think it would be a good idea to shoot in color.” Dear Reader, at this time Australian television is in black and white – so shooting in color is unusual. “Graham, I don’t have any color stock.” “No worries since you’re doing this as a favor, I’ll buy a roll or two. Tell me what to get.”

“Sorry to keep phoning but this party is going to be amazing. I’m building a special spit – can you come over this afternoon and film The Galloping Spit Builder… One more thing: tomorrow, get here early – I’d like shots of the house and garden and then we see the guests arriving.”

On the day: “Stefan, besides shooting the barbie, I’d like shots of the wine, Len is bringing over his best bottles. Shots of pouring showing the labels, people drinking but I don’t have to tell you. Tanya Halesworth is coming – you know her, great – some shots of her enjoying the barbeque.”

“How’d it go – I hope you managed to enjoy yourself? I kept a plate for you but somebody took it.”

Yes friends, by the time I’d finished shooting the barbie, the wine, Graham, Tanya, the beautiful people… all the food had gone.

“Stefan, I’m really sorry you missed out. Come here next Sunday and I’ll cook up something special just for you – no camera required.”

LONDON 1990
My daughter’s best friend is Anna, daughter of Rosemary and Miles.

We’re at their place. It’s Miles’ birthday and the table has about ten other guests. Much of the dinner talk is about Rebecca, Anna’s big sister; she’s getting married next month. We’ve been invited to the wedding.

“Stefan, you will film it, won’t you?”  Rosemary has chosen a moment of silence at the table. All the guests, my daughter, Anna and birthday boy Miles, are waiting for my response. It’s an out-of-the-blue surprise.

“No Rosemary, I won’t film the wedding. I’m not a wedding filmmaker.”

“But Stefan –  please take some shots; just home movie stuff.”

The table is now dead quiet as Rosemary and I are locked in battle. “Rosemary, I make corporate videos, that’s my profession. I’ve made a strict policy not to do free videos for friends, it’s as simple as that.”

“Well if I paid you …’

“No, I don’t do weddings – period. Give a camera to one of the groomsmen or book a wedding videographer. Please don’t ask me again.”

Dinner party conversation starts again. We finish the meal. Go into to their living room for coffee.

At the front door, “Stefan, I’m sorry if I upset you. We’ve been good friends, Anna and Cissy are so close – perhaps you’ll reconsider your decision.” “No Rosemary, I will not film the wedding. I’m sorry, I won’t change my mind.”

A week later a letter arrives:

Dear Stefan and Tricia,

We asked too many people to Rebecca’s wedding and have decided to cut back on the numbers. It is with regret that we have withdraw our invitation. I hope you understand.

Kind Regards

Rosemary. 

Many moons ago, three Italian producers made Mondo Cane (A Dog’s Life). If you haven’t seen it, you should. It’s instant view on Netflix.

No time for Netflix? It starts with a would-be Rudolf Valentino having his clothes ripped off by a bunch of crazy NY female shoppers, then cuts to bare breasted native girls chasing islanders wearing Dolce & Gabbana underwear (but not for long), cut to Aussie girl lifesavers giving the “kiss of life.”The Kiss of Life – worth drowning for…

But Mondo Cane isn’t all about sex – we see births, deaths (a group of Chinese volunteers with only minutes to live but just time to sign the release form) and a Buddhist monk has petrol poured over him and then self-destructs. Did I mention the killing of a man by a bull (cut by the censor), the scenes of flagellation, body piercing, vivisection, lynchings… everything that makes life worth living.

And so it is with this year’s NAB.

BODY PIERCING
Take this year’s RED booth – after an absence of two years, here they are demonstrating their cameras with a willing young girl stripped to the hip, being tattooed. Not just any kind of tattoo but the Red logo design.Mondo Cane 1962Mondo NAB 2011

Inside the booth’s theater, the tattoo theme is continued with a dramatic short, called (you guessed it) Tattoo. I kid you not… “String him up.” Here comes the flagellation scene. Whack! Whack! “Undress him.” Could be Mondo Cane all over again. OMG, he has THE tattoo! Fade to black.

RITUAL SACRIFICE
Suddenly it’s raining add-on recorder boxes – Fast Forward Video has SideKick HD | Atomos with The Ninja| Cinedeckwith, er, Cinedeck | Sound Devices’ new baby PIX | AJA , of course, has Ki-Pro Mini | Convergence Design.

Now along comes BlackMagic with HyperDeck Shuttle. Just $345 and at a stroke corners the market. So it hasn’t got a monitor, it’s not ProRes and gobbles up disk space – I’m buying one and there’s a long queue of other cheapskates behind me. I’ll need a $250 solid state drive; no matter, BlackMagic will throw in a free copy of DaVinci Resolve.

I get change from $600 vs. $2,500+ for a competitive box– ever seen a product manager cry?

John Abt, CEO of AJA, doubts that they’ll find SSDs that will reliably support uncompressed data rates. Well he would say that, wouldn’t he?

PUBLIC SUICIDE
I can never figure out why somebody didn’t stop that monk from burning himself alive. If he were on a window ledge about to jump, there would have been a team of negotiators saying, “Don’t do it!”

Grisly self-immolation from Mondo Cane

Well he’s gone and so has the Flip camera – incinerated alive by Cisco. Alive? Yes, it’s the #1 best selling camcorder on Amazon – and they killed it.

Cisco bought Flip for $590 million and on day two of NAB – lit its funeral pyre. Their only serious competitor, GoPro, has a huge exhibition stand with a new 3D case and editing software.R.I.P Flip – gone but not forgotten

David Pogue in his NY Times obit says that the Flip guys were just about to release FlipLive:

That is, when you’re in a Wi-Fi hot spot, the entire world can see what you’re filming. You can post a link to Twitter or Facebook, or send an e-mail link to friends. Anyone who clicks the link can see what you’re seeing, in real time—thousands of people at once. Think how amazing that would be.
Why time the announcement to coincide with NAB? Why didn’t somebody stop them? Save the monk, save the Flip! I want FlipLive!

KISS OF LIFE
NAB is full of very worthwhile products that seem to need a sun tanned Aussie blonde to go down on them.

When I met Martine Bianco last year she had a pre-prod. Aaton Penelope Delta – wonderful ergonomics, with picture quality claimed to be better than the Arri.

This year I expected to see a production model. But no… “Later this year…”  Sad.

Martine Bianco, Exec. VP of Aäton with her pre-production Penelope Delta.

And what’s become of RED’s  Scarlet?

She was announced in early 2008. A no show in 2009, nothing in 2010 and here we are in 2011 and still zilch. Assuming design work in 2007, that’s about five years been and gone. The latest blow is the Japanese tsunami delaying RED’s supply chain.

The man in the black hat tattoos the T-shirt design while a pre-prod. Scarlet looks on.

Both Scarlet and Penelope urgently need mouth to mouth resuscitation. Maybe the lads in Thunder from Down Under can help.

HUMAN VIVISECTION
Michael Horton and Dan Bérubé are two of the nicest guys you could ever hope to meet. In case you’ve been under a rock, they run SuperMeet, nowadays a collection of Final Cut Pro User Groups from Boston, Beijing and Beyond.

Seen here talking on YouTube – later suffered Apple mutism.

“Hello Everybody, I’m Michael Horton – and I’m Dan Bérubé – It’s our own 10^th birthday – and if you can’t make it, we are going to live stream it – SORRY GUYS, THAT’S OFF – we’re thrilled to have back with us Mark Hamaker (Autodesk Smoke) is going to be talking about  taking your workflow into the third dimension – OH NO HE ISN’T – we’ve got filmmaker Kevin Smith on behalf of Avid NOPE HE’S GONE TOO

There’s How shooting with the Canon 5DmkII made me fall in love with filming again – Philip Bloom” NAH THAT’S CHOPPED – and How Blackmagic Design’s DaVinci Resolve can Change Your Color Correction Practice with Alexis Van Hurkman THAT’S OFF – The second half will be all about the world of Final Cut Studio” NO WAY – NEED I GO ON?

Getting the chop, Mondo Cane style1962

GONE, BABY, GONE… all axed by Apple.

Nice guys Horton & Bérubé are sworn to silence. Come the night, they are not even on the opening stage.

The forums are outraged – words like “bully” and “arrogant” and “hijacked” are thrown around. Video facility owner, Greg Huson demands (and gets) a refund. His forum comment: “I think it’s a dick move on the part of Apple.”

Forum wag, Bob Zelin predicts: “Apple is buying Avid and Adobe and will discontinue Media Composer and Premier and FCP and we’ll all be forced to use iMoviePro.”

From Len Feldman’s thoughtful blog: You may ask why Apple didn’t just schedule its own event, which it could have completely controlled. The problem is that Apple isn’t an exhibitor at NAB, and many conferences (most likely including NAB) have contracts with the hotels that house attendees that prohibit them from making space available for events run by non-exhibitors. Since just about every hotel of any size is offering space through NAB’s housing office, that would make them unable to host an Apple event. On the other hand, the SuperMeet organizers are also exhibitors, so they can do whatever they want with their event.

But there’s another reason that Apple did this – it’s very simple: because they can.

WAITING FOR NABOT

Mondo Cane 1962 – Cargo Cult natives waiting, waiting…

Mondo Cane ends with the forlorn “Cargo Cult” New Guinea natives waiting for their gods to land a plane.  Could be the audience at the NAB SuperMeet 2011 waiting for that special guest from Apple.

Mondo NAB 2011 – SuperMeet natives, waiting, waiting…

From Wikipedia: the term “cargo cult” is invoked as an English language idiom to mean any group of people who imitate the superficial exterior of a process or system without having any understanding of the underlying substance.

Isn’t that just like NAB?

If you think the NAB Show action is in the exhibitors’ booths, think again. Since all of the players in the following stories are either retired old fogies, or, better still, stone-cold-dead, I’ll spill the beans.

It’s years ago: I’m the founder and CEO of Molinare, the largest post facility company in the U.K. – I visit NAB each year to buy the latest kit.

THE SECRET NEW PRODUCT
“Stefan, Willie told me you were interested in our new special effects generator,” says the Ampex rep.

“Very interested. Our Vital SqueeZoom paid for itself in six months.”
“It’s called Ampex Digital Optics — does 3D effects that you can’t do on Quantel or your SqueeZoom.”
“I want it…”
“This hasn’t been announced. We don’t want the press to know. We have already have a pre-order from an L.A. company. We really want you to be first in Europe. Can you come to my hotel room tonight?”
“Sure.’
“I’m in Caesar’s Palace. Here’s the room number. After the show closes, say 7:00.”
“Deal. I’m excited.”

I take Bob, my chief engineer, to the meet. Knock on the door. The Ampex rep is waiting for me. He pours us a drink.

“Ampex ADO is going to revolutionize the industry. You ain’t seen nothin’ yet.”
He brings out a joystick. “You have complete 3D control of the picture – zoom with perspective and rotate.”
“Where is the machine – here in your bedroom?”
“Redwood City – we couldn’t bring it here. It’s still a prototype.”
“The joystick goes nowhere?”
“Just to give you the feel of it.”
“What kind of money are we talking about?”
“Maybe $250,00, maybe less. We’ll finalize it when you come to Redwood City.’
“Don, I’m not sure why I’m in your bedroom. You can’t show me the product, you have no brochure and no price – it’s a kid’s joystick. What are we doing here?”
“It’s difficult for me. My hands are tied. But we can have a great time on the town. Let’s go wild! Las Vegas is our oyster. Have you ever been to the Palomino?”

Silly, I know but I’d much rather have seen a preview of the ADO than go out on a date with an Ampex salesman.

We make our excuses and have a quiet meal at the Red Lobster. Moral: never meet a salesman in a bedroom.

CASH-AND-CARRY BAG
NAB floor. Different year. I wander into an exhibition stand, I’ve bought the product, know the people.

“Hey, Stefan, I’ve got a real surprise for you. Interested?”
“You bet.”
“You might not have realized that when you placed the order for your third ******, the manufacturer gave us a 20% retroactive discount on all three. I spoke to my directors and they think it’s only fair and honest that we split it with you.”
“That is a surprise.”
“I’ve got it in cash, it’s over $10,000. But I can’t give it to you here.”
“I know what you’re saying, but it’s my company. Tricia, Robert and I are the major shareholders, but I’d much rather you posted a check.”
“Stefan, this is tax-free money — do with it as you like. Please take it, but not here.”

We leave the NAB main floor and enter the labyrinth of corridors.
“It’s in my briefcase. In hundred dollar bills. I can’t be seen giving it to you.”
“Then don’t. I’m really uncomfortable with this…”
“In here…”

He takes me by the arm into the men’s restroom. One man is just leaving. The distributor’s rep enters a free stall.

“Quick, give me your carrier bag. Don’t stand outside. Come in, it will only take a second.” He closes and locks the door.

The two of us are squeezed inside and he’s stuffing $100 bills into my NAB carry bag. I can hear people coming into the restroom.

“Wait ‘till they leave.”
“No, this is ridiculous — take the carry bag.”
“I can’t it’s full of your brochures.”
“OK, put on a brave face, here we go.”

I open the door. The two of us emerge from the stall. Saved – there’s no one here who knows me. Sheepish grins all round; a hasty retreat to the anonymous corridor.

Two true stories. I can’t make this shit up.